Cocoa Girl at Work

When 'Giving Up' Gets Good

2011-04-19T13:31:00.002-04:00

"Keep the dream alive, don't let it die. If something deep inside, keeps inspiring you to try, don't stop." - Yolanda Adams, gospel singer and songwriter

About a month ago, during a three-hour marathon, catch up chat with my friend, we got on the topic of my most recent spiritual fast. I'm not usually one for fasting but after making more than a few uninformed, premature life decisions that threw me off my personal course for a good stretch of time, I decided to truly seek direction from God before making a decision. By day three, I had it and one of my plans was now off the table and another one was thrust into the spotlight. Given the details of what I received, some of which included answers to lingering questions, I now knew without a doubt what I needed to pursue. Yet, fast forward two months and I was still stagnant. For the spiritually-speaking, I was literally trying to figure out a way to pour old wine into new wine skins. I had a project that had been my only creative pursuit for several years. It had seen its ups and downs. I had experienced a great deal of satisfaction and achievement in pursuing this goal. Yet, as of late (aka the past four years) I didn't have it in me to do more with my creativity, in that Hollywood success story kind of way...book deals, movies, media appearances, etc. At one point, my desires included all of these quite possible pursuits. However, they later were not enough to keep me going and passionate about said project.

After listening to several minutes of what surely had become a rather familiar story line, my friend interrupted "Uh, why are you focusing on something that God has given you no vision for?"

I was silent. She continued "I mean, based on what you've said, you have received a vision for this new project, so why aren't you pursuing it?

Still quiet.

"Not being funny but has he even given you anything else for the old project? You've been asking him for years now, right?"

I sat stunned yet managed to keep exploring the line of conversation. I got off the phone knowing without a doubt that God had just dropped some knowledge that I needed to heed. After several years, of ups and downs, great personal discoveries and triumphs, I now knew it was time to move on. The "something deep inside" - quoted above from Yolanda Adam's song "Don't Give Up" had long stopped inspiring me. To me, that source of inspiration - our deepest passion within - is the voice of God and that same voice which once inspired me to start the first project seven years back was now encouraging me to get to the 2nd. And, I'm moving on. It had been years since I felt so on-track and divinely led. So, while I'm technically giving up on something, I feel more poised for success than I've felt in years.

Before going to bed the other night, I told God that I believed my inspiration would shoot through the roof once I officially let go of project #1. When I prematurely awoke a few hours later - stressed and anxious about life - one idea after the next flooded my mind concerning this endeavor. Such creativity hadn't graced my presence in three years. Confirmation is so dope:)

Now don't get me wrong: letting go of something that I once placed so much hope and work into saddens me. Yet, I have to trust what I'm feeling from God and go with my passion. I pray that if you need to do so that you can and will.

BTW, I wanted to share this with you: The Art of Giving Up . Great perspective on knowing when it's time to let go of a goal.

Over.

2011-04-13T08:10:00.001-04:00

Sooo....

No, blogging every two weeks is not the new black but I've been putting off posting for like two months. Part physical in nature and part mental/emotional (can we say major transition in the works?), I have hesitant to share what's going on in my world. Yet, a friend reminded me that some people may be facing the sames situations, decisions and challenges as me. So I am finally biting the proverbial hallow-point and sharing some 'mo...

I'm tired and I want to disappear. No, not as in, like, off the face of the planet disappear, but more so fade to black, jack. For the past 10.25 years, one of the toughest and most fun cities in the nation has been my dream and, if I'm being totally honest, my nightmare. Now, don't get me wrong, I love NYC but hate so much that comes with it: the grass is always greener mentality, the resume-dating culture, the dating (over relationships) culture, the materialism over all else that matterism....I'm kind of done. Two recent interactions with friends who are chasing their brand of success but clearly side eyeing my lack of interest in the same truly pushed me to see just how I'm over this life, here.

In a story fit for Hollywood (and trust, I'm working on it), I came to NYC with dreams of all those things that many of my Manhattan-lovelies are still chasing...and getting. Yet, 'tis not my glass of Pinot no 'mo, and I want to be left alone about it. I want to wake up and do and accomplish my goals not from a space of lack, or feeling behind or failure. I want to make it rain (trick) with my talents and passions because simply that's what I want to do.

Considering how much I've accomplished, it's crazy that I cannot seem to get into a space here, in NYC, to do just that. My BFF said maybe I don't need to dropkick NYC altogether but that I should try another hood, like Brooklyn. She may have a point, but unless I snag a jobby job with a major pay hike, New York state can keep this Gala... A lil ole Macintosh will do me just fine!

Okay, til next time...and I Ciara-promise (which I understand doesn't amount to much) that I won't be gone for another two weeks.

Smile.

2011-04-13T07:47:00.001-04:00

Have I ever told you that I love you? You're also beautiful and no matter your circumstances or limitations, you have much beauty to offer those around you. Someone, somewhere is warmed by your smile and "hello" every day. Think that doesn't count for much? Contemplate people coming to a place of worship and telling the pastor that they teetered between committing suicide and trying church one last time....so they made it to church.

Now where the folks went means nothing. I didn't share this snippet as a plug for ~~my amazing, wonderful, loving~~ church (lol). However, I wanted to point out that what these struggling sisters and brothers encountered along their journey from home to pew was paramount. Did they receive a smile from the guy at the coffee cart? A giggle from a baby in stroller? Or simply a sincere "hello, how are you doing today?"...maybe this came from someone like you?

My point is this: from our small but loving gestures to Oprah's acts kindness, we all have a place in this world and power, every day and every moment. Culture, well-meaning but misguided friends and media will lead us to think that we are failing if we aren't striving to become the next Barack and Michelle...or NeNe Leakes, or whomever and whatever is idolized at any given moment. But it's simply not true and don't buy into the bull. No matter your circumstances, your power, influence and place among mankind far exceeds any job title you'll hold or accolades you could ever collect.

So remember to smile this morning and say hello. Sure, you may be jobless, underpaid, feeling stuck in a crappy situation, or on the way to a job that you hate (or love?). Yet, remember: your charm and "power" playing may have its greatest effect before you ever punch somebody's clock.

Stay beautiful and loving...oh, and this is for you....

"I Smile" by K. Franklin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OKXpAtX32M

Casual Fridays...Haute in Harlem: The NYLEAN25 Workout

2011-04-01T16:35:00.004-04:00

TGIF, dolls and dons!

Since Cocoa's been living, dranking, partying, dining, worshipping,shopping and snobbing it up in this quaint lil space called "Harlem," I'd thought to share some of my experiences with the e-masses...

First up, what's haute (or hot if you prefer):

NYLEAN25
If ya follow me on twitter (@cocoagirlatwork) then you'd see that I've been mentioning something called 'NYLEAN25.' What is it? Glad you asked...

NYLEAN25 (www.nylean25.com) is a cardio and conditioning workout for (get this) just 25 minutes, three days per week. Created and taught by master trainer Rob Brace (pictured above), NYLEAN25's intensity rivals that of Insanity and P90X, which of course has this Type-A chick more than excited to get started. Can we say 'RAPID WEIGHT LOSS' on the rocks, por favor?

Speaking of rocks, ice cubes, drank and all that good stuff, there won't be any of said indulgences over the course of the next 30 days. *cough* NYLEAN25 not only offers a high intensity, fat burning group workout, but it also provides nutrition plans to help those serious about losing weight to KEEP IT OFF.

And the best thing about it all? HARLEM! Rob started out teaching the class in TriBeCa and SOHO, but brought it Uptown at the prodding of one happy trainee who (get this, part deux) lost 32 lbs in four months. Um, yes...she looks fab!

Stay tuned, dolls and dons. I have already taken one class and can attest that it truly kicks, well, you know...

Next up, what's so not hot in Harlemwood....

BIER INTERNATIONAL AND 67 ORANGE (AFTER 11PM?)
While twice greeted by some eye candy fit for a cocoa girl who enjoys a little swirl, both venues, situated just off the corner of 112th St and Frederick Douglass Blvd, left me and my gf hungering for more. No, like, really...we were hungry. Both places kitchens were closed at just after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night.

Now if that's not akin to Popeye's running out of chicken at 10 p.m., then I do not know what is.

Get it together, G-Ville. If I wanted to sample limited fare, then I could have stayed above 125th Street.

*e-kisses to all*

Denial: A Pump in Christian Louboutin.

2011-03-22T18:25:00.004-04:00

Nothing major...just $795 *cough*

Apparently, for this unemployed NYC fashionista, denial is most certainly not a river in Egypt. It’s a pump in Christian Louboutin!

Every once and a while, I like to entertain myself with delusions of grandeur fit for a psycho. And, oddly enough, they usually come by way of a certain gf.

Unbeknownst to she, our Gchats and texts not only feature delightfully deep conversation, but they sometimes also remind me to cozy up with that comfortably-shallow, materialistic, narcissistic girl inside my head who (once upon a time?) would have drank spicy lemonade for a week in order to snag a new bag.

Today's diversion came compliments of a Gchat surrounding a certain shoe. Enter Exhibit A: The Rolando…

Me: did you get your Bianca's yet?
Fanciful Friend: girl.... i want the Rolandos now, and they’re sold out EVERYWHERE
i had no idea how intense it is
so I’m putting my name on the waiting list.
Me, judgment-free: (takes a look). they're more of a classic
very nice.
those dark red ones are amazing!
Fanciful Friend: girl. i see how people get caught up and end up on welfare.
Won’t be me…
but i understand. lol!
Me: lolol
i want a pair
i may have to try ‘em on, says the unemployed chick. good gosh!
the gray suede is nice too.
Fanciful Friend: girl... don’t even do it! they almost had to drag me out the store.
security has to buzz you into the one on the upper east side.
how crazy is that?

Um, not that crazy, says the, ahem, unemployed chick, quickly remembering that a) I'm underemployed and b) taking something valued over $500 is a felony. *sigh*

Beautiful, blogging and, uh, black?

2011-03-18T14:59:00.000-04:00

Idk. Sorry, readers...I digress.

I haven't been on this scene for a min, this I know. Been searching for a jobby-job and trying to figure out how to remain creative when undertaking such a blah endeavor.

Yet, I will be back...in full effect. Until, stay beautiful, black and loving this life.

AS my friend said, it's not that LIFE sucks (a direct quotable from yours truly), it's just the circumstances (which are only temporary) that do.

Love ya!

Why do we pray (no, really…why)?

2011-03-13T14:47:00.003-04:00

Thoughts?

Sorry but my question isn’t a condescending, Televangelist, under-handed toss, meant to set up an easy way for me to pitch the moral ABCs and 123s of why we “should” pray. Nor is it a set-up for an anger-filled, bitter rant by someone who has taken issue with God after I did not receive something important that I asked for. And, sorry, for the atheists of the world, I’m not that chick either, but I still love ya, tho!

Actually, my question is a sincere attempt to gain perspective on a question that revisits my mind ever so often. I want to know why people of certain faiths ask God for stuff. In a nut(ty?)shell, given what our books of faith tell us about God, what is the purpose of prayer…for real, for real?

Tsunamis, tornados, near 9.0 earthquakes and pretty much any kind of *“natural” disaster always do this to me. More so, let’s say that my fellow brethren of faith’s responses to such disasters do it: the Facebook statuses, tweets and calls from reporters to pray for the victims – their health, recovery, pain, tragedy, etc. – make me wonder how much sense this prayer thing really makes and if we properly understand its purpose as outlined in the context of our faiths.

Uhh...are we guilty of this?

Take the Japan earthquake and tsunami, for example. Some people may say “pray to God for supernatural blessings, a.k.a. miracles, like healing for the victims and for him to ease their suffering.” Yet, if we believe God is loving, merciful and cares for all of his children, should we also believe that his care extends to his children in Japan and that he has them covered? So, by praying, what exactly are we asking him to do?

To this end, how about the belief that God is sovereign, which basically means that He has power and dominion over all things. How exactly does this belief play out in the face of natural disasters that have maimed, destroyed and taken thousands of lives?

Or, when dealing with matters less vital than earthquakes, other people say, we pray because “the [bible, Koran or Torah] tells us to.” Yet, I still have to wonder: if we believe God is all-knowing, should we then also believe that he (she?) already knows what we need? So why do ask him for it?

Maybe this is it...

So, what do I think? I’ve heard that prayer is not a request hour but a time to communicate with God and, above all else, to listen to him. Maybe such a perspective best serves my example regarding the earthquake victims…maybe I’m not supposed to ask God to help him…or how to usher in world peace, or end homelessness or animal cruelty. Maybe, if I sit long enough and quiet enough, He will tell me how I can help in any situation, versus me sending up a few words and waiting on Him to move. I think this may be it....prayer as a conversation and not a request hour. Interesting.

Just a thought…now time for yours..

*natural is in air quotes because I question just how natural these disasters are. Not so much that I wonder if they’re caused by God, the topic of this post, but more so if/how something more than likely caused by centuries of ‘us’/humans could be labeled “natural.”

Lent: Avoid the #40DayFail

2011-03-09T16:53:00.040-05:00

What good is it to lose weight this [Lenten] season, but still find yourself heavy after 40 days? - Pastor Michael Walrond, paraphrased.

I heard this gem at bible study-not last night and found it to be muy relevant. Granted, I'm still a babe when it comes to this discipleship thing, but I think I can surmise that many of us Lent-ers approach this 40-day season of sacrifice all wrong. Yup, I said it ... #the40dayfail.

The Problem with *Only* Focusing on 'Giving Up'
Many of us typically place emphasis on what we will give up/remove from our lives during Lent, which is understandable since the Western church tells us we are to deny ourselves in order to honor Jesus's 40-day Wilderness experience. I get it. Yet, the problem occurs when we focus (obsess?) about maintaining the removal, but do not spend equal time negotiating - and making room for - some additions...revelations or changes essential to our spiritual well-being.

We may sacrifice shopping, but fail to meditate upon why we feel the need to constantly make purchases. We could cut out Twitter, only to go hard on texting and reading blogs, instead of questioning why we find it so difficult to be present with ourselves throughout the day. We could forgo mindless snacking and never seek to figure out why we are munching when we aren't hungry to begin anyway.

Yet, if we approach Lent differently, perhaps more focused on what we're seeking to gain...from God...versus solely reflecting on what we are removing, we could depart this season knowing that we shop until we drop because we feel inadequate or that we tweet non-stop because the mindless activity distracts us from our jobs that lack passion and growth opportunities.

Sacrificing to Achieve Self-Gain

As Christians, we're taught that sacrificing with self-gain in mind is never a good look. Yet, hopefully, you are beginning to see the emotional, mental and spiritual benefits that can be gleaned from digging deeper than "what" you are giving up for Lent. We must move beyond the sacrifice and ask ourselves what am I hoping to achieve. Here's why:

1). Focusing on what we hope to gain through our Lent sacrifice forces us to examine if our intentions properly placed. Once you ask "Self, what do you want to gain out of giving up X for Lent?" you are brought face-to-face with the cold, hard truth. e.g. Desiring to lose 10 pounds, by giving up meats and sweets, is kind of a ~~you~~ one-sided sacrifice. Sure, you will definitely lose weight, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to do so, but how does such a goal benefit your relationship with God? If this is you, you may want to consider setting a new goal/desire for the Lent, which brings me to benefit number 2...

2). Focusing on what we hope to gain through our Lent sacrifice makes us name a goal. Period. Do you want to hear from God? To have a more peaceful life, which he can provide? To love others unconditionally, or gain control over negative emotions or behaviors that seem to have their way with you? If so, you have to make it known; to God and you.

Unfortunately, certain churches do not emphasize seeking as much as sacrificing during this season. So people often emerge from the 40 days having given up something but largely unchanged. Therefore, contemplate what you want to receive and make changes to your lifestyle to assist such break-throughs.

3). Focusing on what we hope to gain through our Lent sacrifice leads us to act. Once you have made your desires known, you then have to make adjustments for the 40-day period that are conducive to you achieving said desire. If you want to hear God more clearly, and deciding to sacrifice Twitter for 40 days, how you will use your free time to get closer to Him/Her? Will you use it to pray, take a long walk, journal?

Godspeed.

The White Girl Cuss-Out that May Save Me From 'Single'

2011-03-07T15:05:00.003-05:00

It's been said that I don’t suffer fools lightly and, one night, after observing 45 minutes of a romantic train-wreck, steered by some by some whiny, wimpy, clueless white woman, I was too through. I had to suffer through this chick get shot down by and played to the left by dude after uninterested dude. I mean, get a clue, I thought, although my eyes probably screamed something else, like stupid. To me, her ass wasn’t flirty, open to men or to trying to let in love. She was stupid. A damned idiot and, on this night, I didn’t find her efforts to mate with a dude to be enduring. I thought them to be stupid and resented her for epic failure.

One hour in, I had had enough. So much that by the time said WG’s current dude hurled a few insults her way, including “insane” and why do [you] “take each little thing a guy does and twist it into something else,” I felt not one nan ounce of sympathy for her behind.

“She’s so f*cking stupid,” I said, aloud, done.

“I’d rather be like that than be like you,” spills across her lips.

I pause and blink. Come again?

“I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but at least I am still able to care," she continues. "You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself, but you don’t fall in love either.”

Now I'm searching for them Candid Camera fools. Is someone playing a joke on me? Am I being recorded? This chick I reading me and doesn't even know me. GTFOH!

“I may do a lot of stupid shit, but I know I am a lot closer to finding someone than you are” comes next and it's a wrap. The dude in her presence is stunned and the (faux?) hard black chick in me is speechless.

Well, you’d be happy to know that I was not acting up nor allowing someone to act up with me, I was just watching a movie...He’s Just Not that Into You, to be precise. And while its desperate, clumsy and hopelessly romantic female protagonist, Gigi, wasn't really addressing me, in essence, she might as well have been. And she was right: love doesn't and won't come without a few slip ups, being played, putting oneself out there, and having the heart and our feelings occasionally treated like they ain't worth shit.

Shocked by not sugared by my thoughts? Hear me out.

Presently "single" and desiring a committed relationship, I try to spend proper time being self-introspective and thangs. Really, the term is nothing more than fancy-speak for asking myself where I am, where do I wanna be, what am I doing, and why do I do what I do (that WHY is tres vital). In said space, I started to reflect on how I flirt, date and try to mate...and it wasn't pretty. The ugly of truth of it all is that I hardly date freely and openly and I had to ask why. Sure, I still deal with overcoming lingering childhood rejection, abandonment and abuse issues, but have these been justification for my attempts to avoid displaying vulnerability and being closed off? Naw, homey. Such protectionism has done little more than build walls around my single-self that most healthy (sane?) men haven't been willing to scale. And I get it.

While I already was familiar with my issues, Gigi's white-girl, cuss out made me pause for the cause and contemplate how my behavior is affecting my chances at romance. Let's be real: how does a woman flirt, date and mate without being emotionally open? How is she the latter without a willingness to be emotional vulnerable? She can't. True, none of us want our hearts or egos spat upon, but without risk, there's no reward. Issues, flaws and all, we must do what we need to do to remain open and positive while enduring this thug ass rap game called "dating."

Do we have to be clueless, stupid or a doormat? No, but whether our issues kick a rock or not, we must stay open. Yeah, you may get hurt but, naw, you won't die.

In the end, I endured a boring flick. Yet, I walked away with some grand food for thought, which is great, because, as my BFF's daddy, Mr. M, would say "a closed mouth doesn't get fed." And, in this case, a closed-off persona won't get fed, compliments of a date, either.

The Hustler's Humpday .. :-/

2011-03-02T16:32:00.000-05:00

Every day I'm hustling...

Understand: hustling outside of a normal job ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Goal setting? Making plans? Researching and contacting and networking? I find myself longing for the days of yesteryear when Monday through Friday entailed s-i-m-p-l-y clocking a 9a to 5:30p. I woke. Went to work. Worked. Left work. And went to Happy Hour....only to do it again the next day.

There's definitely a certain simplicity and peace of mind that comes with having your day job, aka the Big Pill Payer, and your passions be one in the same. Yet, when said ain't you...you must work...and you must hustle. Hence today's *sigh*.

I'm not much of a hustler, which is interesting because I'm hella entrepreneurial. I can give anyone an idea on how to enhance, maximize or monetize ANY thing they are doing. Yet, when it comes to me, blah and gah. I'd rather do what I love for free or kinda of not at all. OR, have someone else manage my money(-itizing), honey.

Yet, what's the alternative? Going back to a desk? To a cubicle? To punching a clock? To a crazy, schizo manager who wants to clock - and dock - my every breath? Naw, sir. Give me one hustle on the rocks, please.

Signs You May Be a Digital Douchebag

2011-02-15T14:59:00.012-05:00

Let's not have a toast...

PDAs more visible at the dinner date than actual 'PDA'; iPods loud enough to serenade one half of a subway car, or the self-abs Blackberry attached to the high-powered business executive that won't be powered down until the flight attendant snatches and does it her damn self?

Introducing...the Digital Douchebag or, as grandma and MadTV's Bonquiqui would plainly state: rude. There used to be a time when double d''s (a la 20-inch rims and Dolly Parton) elicited a positive response. Now, fast forward to the 21st Century where reality TV rules, the linguistically-retarded dominate, and social media owns our free time like Master Moore, and it is easy to see: Verizon, we have a problem.

Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, iPhones, Blackberry, Storms, 4G, videochats, Google, TV and Facebook, and all in one? Technological advances intended to enhance our ability to communicate have instead birthed a new generation of depersonalized, decreasingly authentic, false or shallow connectors. Unfortunately, for all their benefits and hype, it appears Smartphones are actually making us kind of, um, dumb(er?), at least socially speaking.

In a personal essay featured in the December issue of for Harper's Bazaar, Ashton Kutcher, one of Generation Social Media's most-famous poster-children, questioned if the DD phenomenon called texting has effectively killed romance.

"Maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves," he said.

Whatever the reason, I say, it doesn't always work all the time, in every situation, my dear. Firsthand, this I know.

Two years ago, while visiting a particularly pregnant (read hormone-y) friend below the Mason Dixon, I pulled quintessentially Yankee move: Digitally douching at every waking moment. BBMing at the house. Checking email in the car. Eight-balling on a concoction of all three at the so-not-my-steez restaurant. Problem was, what was fair game on Planet NYC enraged my friend's placenta-filled, Floridian mind. For me, this was the way of life. To her, I was an arse who had committed the worst crimes against her, her husband, and their unborn baby girl.

A valuable lesson for those of us with a fancy for double D's: such may float your boat, but another person may find it utterly offensive...like someone from another generation - boss, grandma, anyone? - a different culture, or another planet, like Florida.

Could this post be about you? Read on to spot the early warning signs before you loose a job opportunity, friend or both...

Top Signs that You May Be a Digital Douchebag

1. You never respond to personal invites, including baby showers, birthdays, going away parties, weddings, christenings, funerals, etc.
Your rational? To you, the other person just doesn't care if you respond, when, in actuality, you just don't care to respond.

2. You don't expect others to respond to your invites.
"How does this make me bad," you say? Glad you asked. On the surface, this gesture appears laid back and thoughtful. Yet, it' really nothing more than a thinly-veiled ploy to rack up "when I do the same to you someday, as I inevitably will, don't get mad at me" points.

3. You now Tweet what was once upon a time (e.g. 2009) thought to be 'personal' information.
e.g. familial kidnappings, murders, or job losses. I mean, maybe that friend of a friend's friend Jackie didn't care to know...#justsayin

4. You hashtag even when not on Twitter.

5. You have 5 times as many "Friends" as you do "Followers."

5. You intentionally don't pick up the phone when someone calls, but text them right back.

6. You accept Facebook friend requests but instantly limit the access said "friend" has to about 95 percent of your user profile.
Uh, why did you accept the request at all? More than likely, because you're a hoarder.

7. You amass Facebook friends just for high numbers to impress others.

8. You rack up loads of friends on Facebook...to impress yourself.

9. u respond 2 evry msg jus lik dis...evn 1s 2 clientz, mgrs an gr8t d8ts who u wan 2 c agin.

10. You try to build, maintain and grow a relationship with great dates who you want to see again via text message.

11. At 29 years old, you spend 25 non-renewable minutes romanti-mining 140-160 characters sent by the opposite sex for deeper meaning.

12. You rap along to Dip Set, on the subway, at 8:30am, sans headphones.

13. Reading is not your commuting cup of chai. Instead you watch straight to DVD flicks on your commute home.

14.You still own (and readily whip out among breathing-kind) a flip phone, and said ownership isn't sudden life-event induced.

15. You actually think ninjas should give a damn that you think their phone choice is socially suicidal.

16. You dine out with your Bluetooth attached to your ear, blinking.

On Dating...Great(er) Expectations

2011-02-10T13:37:00.003-05:00

Should we take cues from prior generations?

Back in the day before automatic door locks and widespread car ownership, my BFF’s dad used what I will refer to as proper vehicular etiquette to teach his children (of both genders) how to pass one of the oldest ‘relationship material – yes or no?’ tests in the book.

An attorney by trade and by DNA, his plan was simple yet cunning. Sons, when picking up and escorting your date to the car, walk around to the passenger side and always unlock her door first. Daughters, when a man does this for you, once inside, reach across the seat to unlock his door for him – immediately. Children, if your date doesn’t do any of this for you, run. He or she is either selfish, has zero home training, or both, and is not fit to be a mate.

Not only did Mr. M’s children pass this part of the date (at least) with flying colors, but they walked away with a very important lesson, even if they weren’t interested in a second date: how to properly vet your love interest (early on) to see if they will be a caring partner.

Ask the ‘rents to define a “caring” partner and they’ll probably say he or she is someone who is attentive, kind, patient and willing to weather the storms of life with you, small and big. Yet, for those of us trying to make it in this dating game circa 2011, have we given up on seeking (demanding?) such qualities, which happen to be essential to building the kind of foundations that lifelong partnerships are built on? And, if yes, how have our lowered expectations affected our generation’s dating culture and demands?

My questions were spawned by a morning conversation with my 20-something gf, Gym Buddy. Following this morning’s workout, we chatted about dating and men, when a few minutes into our banter, she said something that caused my several-years-older self to pause: “I’m not cool just being with a man; I need to feel as though I am in his care." Without prompting, she went on to explain what this meant to her, the resident Daddy’s Girl: a man who is not just there, as a presence or title, but one who cares for, provides financially (to an extent; we’re not talking Prada) and who provides protection. Pretty much the same explanation Mr. M. would provide if asked to describe a caring partner.

Daddy’s girl or not, GB had a point and her well-thought out needs made me think of my good gf’s – girl and guy friends – who always end up in relationships void of such caring and protective treatment. e.g. the girlfriend who will pick up your dry cleaning when you’re working late and can’t make it by closing, or the BF who offers to change the light bulb above the bed once he sees it has blown out, sans a four-month dialogue (true story). While one wants to feel some level of sympathy for our peers, I had to ask myself, why do they keep participating in these shallow-Hal relationships that more than likely could not endure past the sight of the first storm cloud, let alone a strong wind? Some of my answers include maybe – just maybe – many of us have never been privy to this level of care and treatment, so it's not even on our radar to seek out. Or, perhaps, some of us do want it (ideally) but are willing to trade it off for superficial beauty, a fierce resume, undeniable swagger or an “In a Relationship” status change on Facebook.

Thoughts?

How to Answer the Question, "What do you do?"

2011-02-02T15:58:00.002-05:00

LOVES This!

Today's featured article is brought to us by way of Penelope Trunk's The Brazen Careerist.

No lie. I, live in Manhattan/Buppieville Harlem while gigging to get published-I, used to struggle with answering this question for some time. Before I left my first career to write full time, there was always so much comfort and ease in just answering those four little words with "Well, I'm an account executive in consumer marketing PR." Before I hopped the front-office track to work as an admin, from 9 to 5, while writing post-work hours, those four little buggers didn't bother me at all. Yet, after taking a step back to take a huge leap forward, I found it difficult to fess up to what the world (and obviously I) viewed as my lowered career status.

If you know the struggle and discomfort that comes with answering the seemingly innocuous "what do you do?," this article has your name written all over it. Be sure to check the helpful list at the bottom.

* * *

How to Answer "What do you do?"
by Penelope Trunk

Right after college, I was playing a bazillion hours a week of volleyball to get on the pro tour, and reading a book a night to make up for the fact that I was tortured for eighteen years by having to read what other people told me to read. But when people asked, “What do you do?” I said, “I work at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange in arbitrage.”

It’s a good answer, right? I had choices: I could admit to reading like a crazy person. I could admit to trying to be in professional sports but not quite there, or I could give an answer that impressed everyone: I work in currency arbitrage. In reality, I was so incompetent at this job that when currencies went wild after the Berlin Wall fell, I lost a few million dollars for a few violent traders. The only possible reason to keep a dyslexic, literary, arbitrage clerk around was because she was good looking. But I wasn’t good looking enough. I got fired.

Immediately I focused on getting on the pro volleyball tour. At that point, “What do you do?” questions did not get “I’m getting a job in a children’s book store because I worked in the family book store for ten years and I can tell you the publisher of any author–quiz me.” Instead, I said, “I’m moving to Los Angeles to play professional beach volleyball.” To me, the book store was a step back to support volleyball, which was a step forward.

Describing my move to LA over and over again to prying relatives and concerned strangers actually made me believe it. How you answer the question “What do you do?” is important because it frames your story for you in a much more visceral way than it frames it for anyone else.

Recently, I had the problem again. I was sort of working at my startup, Brazen Careerist, but not really. The company got a new CEO and was moving to Washington, DC , and I was staying in Wisconsin and marrying the farmer.

“What do you do?” came up a lot because I was redecorating the farm house and traveling back and forth between DC and Madison and NY and Darlington. People in cities asked me what I was doing because clearly, I was not full-time at Brazen Careerist. And people in Darlington asked me because clearly I did not have a life in Darlington.

After trying out a lot of answers that came out poorly (like, I’m working at my company but not really) I came up with “I’m taking a few months off my job to decorate the house while I’m moving to the farm.”

It was a good answer. It was true, of course, but there are lots of true answers this type of question, and not all truthful answers are effective answers. It was a good answer because it reminded me that moving to the farm was a huge job. But also it made me realize that I had given myself an enormous education in interior design in a very short period of time.

I learned about Steampunk styling from hundreds of hours on the Internet. I absolutely fell in love with the idea of repurposing old things for new things, and seeing old in a new way.

I learned about color theory and practice from Maria Killam, who spent hours on the phone with me until I understood when orange on the fabric swatch will look red on a sofa (and why you should never do color on your wall without a consult from an expert).

I obsessively guarded against having anything in the house that did not have a use. All things had to be special and beautiful but nothing could be there only because it was special and beautiful.

When I told people I was decorating the house, they were happy for me. And worried for me. Because I am not going to make a living as a decorator. But the best answer to the question “What do you do?” is “Here’s what I’m passionately learning right now.”

If I had answered in a way that focused on my worries about not knowing where my career was going, then there would have been nothing to talk about. But when I answered in a way that revealed my excitement about the house and everything I was learning, then there was a lot to talk about.

I tell you this to show that everyone has trouble answering the question at some points in their life, but the more comfortable we are being lost, the faster we can get unlost, and this is a good example of why—you can tell yourself better stories about yourself.

So here are some steps to help you get better at the process of answering the question “What do you do?”

1. Understand the question.
Assume there is no hidden, evil agenda. Assume the person asking simply wants to know more about you. Of course, only people who have a good answer to the question themselves end up asking the question of others, but still, it’s a reasonable question.

2. Focus on a differentiator.
The problem with getting to know someone is that if you ask people, “What’s important to you?” you won’t learn anything. Because 90% of people will say things like family, friends, learning, being kind, or other routine things — the things, actually, that are on my refrigerator, in the first photo.

You get to know more about a person by asking how they spend their time. Because, while we all have similar goals (really, I bet the same few New Years Resolutions are made by 80% of all people) we all try to reach them in different ways.

This actually reminds me of the opening of Anna Karenina. “All happy families are the same, and each unhappy families is unhappy in different ways.” The modern version of that is “all goals for attaining a happy life are the same, but all the paths to not reaching those goals are misguided in different ways.”

So the question “What do you do?” is an attempt to find out what makes you different. Which means that everyone has an answer.

3. Don’t focus on your job.
This is not a job interview—it’s an attempt to get to know you so the person can connect with you. So you don’t need to go straight to your job for an answer. Some people have a job that does define them. Some people do not. Once you realize you can go either way on this, you can come up with the best answer for you.

4. Focus on where you spend your time and energy.
If you work at Starbuck’s to support your marathon training, you can say you’re training for a marathon. That is interesting and will immediately spark a fine conversation. Plus, you show that you are someone worth getting to know—you set challenging goals for yourself and you work hard to meet them.

5. Focus on what you are learning.
A career is not an earning path, it’s a learning path. So if you tell someone what you are learning about now, they will not actually care what your job is. What you choose to learn, and what interests you, actually says way more about you than the type of job you have. Some people learn a lot on their jobs, some people learn more away from their jobs. Where you learn is not as important as what you learn.

If you are not learning anything, and not doing anything special, ask yourself why. You can do anything in your free time. Make it matter.

6. Don’t be defensive
Remember that people are asking to be kind. They are trying to create a connection so that you can talk to each other about things that matter to both of you. Surely that is appealing to you as well. So be helpful with your answer by being vulnerable and forthcoming instead of defensive.

7. Ask about the other person.
Sometimes we get so stressed answering the question that we forget to actually make conversation. Ask the other person what he or she does. Then find common ground. At work or at a cocktail party or talking to someone we wish we didn’t have to talk to—being interested in both ourselves and in someone else is one of the most important things we can do.

Penelope Trunk, The Brazen Careerist: How to Answer the Question, "What do you do?"

Simply golden,

Intentional Living

2011-02-01T11:55:00.002-05:00

If S. Rao, author of one of my most-recent reads, Happiness at Work, is my new fantasy-bff, then Martha Beck, Oprah's most-featured life coach, is my faux white wife. Why? An article of hers that I recently read "20 Questions That Could Change Your Life" contains an oh-so fabulous quotable that is a top contender for my life changing words list, right alongside Rao's "Invest in the process, not in the outcome."

If you follow or *cough* subscribe to Cocoa Girl, then you know that I love-ov-ove Rao's nugget; therefore, Beck's List Nomination ain't a small feat. So, what was it about the live your best life-boo that made me decide that she and I needed to take our "thing" offline, off the page, and make it/us official? A simple but profound declaration that stopped a high-thriver like me dead in my tracks:

"Live by design, not by accident."

A.K.A. Live intentionally, B.K.A. Don't Just Let Life Happen to You.

While just six-words-short, I find Beck's command to be magical. For one, it sprinkles accountability dust on all who behold its glorious beauty. IMO, you can let life happen to you or take it by the horns and decide that untamed, unpredictable, challenging or not, you're steering it to the best of your ability and judgment.

The second reason this quotable upgraded Beck to 'boo' status is because it demystifies (rhymes with 'de-spiritualize') this journey. Now, don't go losing your religion over my statement! I do believe that God has a purpose for each of us to fulfill in/contribute to this life. I also believe the only way to discover said purpose is to hunker down and be still to ask for (and hear!) guidance. However, being still for long enough to discern your contribution to this Life does not excuse anyone from moving in due time.

Yes, God, the Universe, whatever you prefer, does have a path for us but we still have to walk that b-i..ryani! We still have to make plans, choices and decisions, some of which will result in mistakes, failures, and set backs. Yet, we still gotta do it. We still gotta move with and on purpose.

A gf recently posted "No New Year's resolutions. Just let God handle it!" and I cringed a bit. Scared, timid and insecure about my dreams, I used to rely too much on God to make my life what it should be for me. That is, until one day I had an epiphany about the folks who buy the lottery tickets every drawing. It went something like, people are waiting and hoping for some fortune to befall them, as if the only way they can ever see it is by winning the lotto...like, kinda by accident.

With that I received that I am able/equipped to achieve every purpose found in my heart. am equipped and creative. So, I (eventually) got to goal setting, writing down my dreams, missions and charting plans, aka designing. And, while not perfect, so far the my blueprint called LIFE is shaping up!

Don't forget to check out the fab article/list mentioned that served as the source of my inspiration:

20 Questions That Could Change Your Life - Oprah.com

Something Positive: Working While Black & Young...

2011-01-31T23:27:00.002-05:00

On my late-night blog stroll, I happened across a post on The New York Times blog, which highlights YEAR UP, a program that teaches disadvantaged (disenfranchised?) black and Latino youth the SOFTS SKILLS vital for succeeding at work. Perhaps some of the our HBCUs could follow lead, for real, for real...

YEAR UP's founder, Gerald Chertavian, had this to say about the importance of his program's curriculum:

"It’s how you make eye contact, it’s how you dress, it’s how you shake hands, it’s how you make small talk at a Christmas Party,” [the founder] says. “It’s when we speak, are you nodding your head? Are you leaning in and asking questions? It’s knowing how to introduce yourself. It’s knowing what’s appropriate for conversation. All of those things are learned. If you don’t have that context, boy, it feels real foreign to go through the security gate at Fidelity and exist in that environment."

Amen and I wish his program continued success. To read more about YEAR UP, visit the link:

Training Youth in the Ways of the Workplace

The Grinder's Prayer

2011-01-27T11:29:00.002-05:00

Praying for Focus, Daily.

Great words for the spiritually-grinding, compliments of Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Connection." Maybe this portion of prayer will become a part of Cocoa Girl's morning meditation?

Not the Queen of all things focus, I actually ask God to help me focus each day...and to get what I need to get done, each day....

“God, I have so many things on my plate. I can’t do them all today so help me know what’s important and what’s not important. Help me not to worry about not getting the unimportant things done. Help me focus on what matters most. I need your strength today to do what I need to do today. I have some financial, physical and emotional needs and I’m depending on you to help me today.”

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

2011-01-26T16:47:00.001-05:00

If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Answer here

Happy 10 Year NYCversary to Me!

2011-01-21T11:59:00.000-05:00

Worship on Wednesday: "Manifest"

2011-01-19T01:37:00.000-05:00

A little something to get you over the hump day. I've loved this song since the first time I heard it...

"I decree it. Declare it. And call it, in the Spirit.
To become, what God's designed me to be."

Amen.

Sunday Funday: Back at the Doorway of Missed Opportunity…Now What?

2011-01-16T20:35:00.003-05:00

Ready to run ahead or away? Not so fast...

By the time we reach our 20s and 30s, most of us have dealt with some level of failure. Whether it came by way of a botched relationship that once seemed so promising, a pink slip from what we thought was our dream job, or a set of circumstances that threw us off the divine path for our lives and out of God’s will, many of us have had to endure the pain and regret of an opportunity WE ruined. Matter of fact, depending on your situation, you possibly have been through the ‘opportunity – mess up – regrets – another chance – mess up, again” cycle more times than you’d care to journal, discuss over brunch or remember.

Yet, what happens when that opportunity returns to your life or, even more interesting, God brings you back to IT? Months or maybe even years have passed since you last saw or even thought about IT. If you’re like me, you maybe even used the hot pursuit of another goal, a new job, or a new relationship to push down and numb the memory of your failure, aka IT.

So...now...anew, delivered, healed, more mature, and transformed (or, at the least, maybe just a bit wiser?), how do you now respond when presented with the same opportunity again? Do you run away,fearful of it or run through the door, quickly, to it? Either way, not so fast. Like the Israelites, who had their opportunity to enter the Promised Land delayed 40 years after being disobedient to God's commands, God could be using your period in the "wilderness," following your failures, to shape and prepare you for success this time around.

Watch this powerful sermon from First Corinthian Baptist Church in Harlem to find out how to re-approach your failed opportunities...with God as your guide.

"I'm Going to Go Where I've Never Gone"
http://fcbcsermons.com/1-2-11/index.html

Agape,

The Great Purpose Chase: Honor Your Passions, Not Somebody Else's

2011-01-14T01:24:00.009-05:00

Stick with *your* purpose!

"Your purpose are the passions God places in your heart." ~ Author Unknown

“The worst thing to be, is to be successful as someone else. I feel sorry for someone who has to walk out of the house every day as someone else,” Jay Z, Oprah's "Master Class" series.

* * *
Five years ago, I joined the blogging game with a serious case of e-envy. My cocoa-coated peers were vexing about everything from black girl weave gone terribly wrong (Gabby, circa 2005) to alleged celebrity crack dens daylighting as home bathrooms (Whitney, darling, you're still loved). And, I, was blogging about, of all things, work. Although my blog was gaining speed, I still griped to my agent.

"I want to write about juicy stuff, like gossip" I'd whine via email. Her short response? "Your manuscript is about work and it's funny as hell. So you have to blog about the same thing."

My comeback, because, clearly, I wasn't going out without a, ahem, tiff? "But, can I at least start another blog about celebs and gossip and stuff?"

"Nope. Focus on getting a deal, then write about what you want," would be her final answer -- the my last project sold millions of copies -- at ease -- kind of one, to which I listened. Good thing I did.

Like a pup yanked by the leash for stepping too far out of its bounds, I retreated, pitifully, and abandoned my black celebrity gossip blogging desires. At the time, there were a handful of black, celebrity bloggers and they were holding it down, to say the least. In retrospect, my non-purposed contribution t'wasnt needed. So, while not the sexiest-feeling, I kept writing about stuff that sparked my interest from 9 to 5, a la Killa Beckies, the nuances of competing for promotions, and the trials of being the unofficial ambassador to the entire black race at work. As the only one focused on working while black, my zeal for the topic took off and, eventually, so did my site's visitors. Cocoa Girl at Work's readers began making their appreciation for the site known. Even the lurkers made their way out the proverbial woodwork to comment on and rank it #1 in terms of "first thing I read every morning" and "my favorite blog." With that I began to recognize an important lesson about our unique interests and passions, which I believe are the purposes for our lives that God places in the heart: honor them.

You may think you don't know but you do!

Sure, I could have began to blog about celeb gossip, (epic) Yakky-fails and black, crack-addicted celebrity love, but that's not what spurred my interest, at least not on a deeper level. Simply stated: it wasn't my purpose. So how would that have served me and my pursuits and, more importantly, the world? Maybe, just maybe, our unique experiences and the perspectives birthed from them are meant to assist others. In church circles, we say our testimonies are not for us, they're for everyone else. If you're not churchy nor spiritual, let's just say: you can help others with what you've learned.

As an African American college grad who failed to excel at interpersonal relationships at jobs 1 through 3, thereby, failing to truly excel, I had something unique to share with my peers in the blogosphere. Yet, it was up to me to honor it. I could blog what everyone else blogged or I could raise discussions about the importance of pausing long enough to acknowledge our flaws at work and figuring out how we can do better...or about excelling in spite of our limitations...or on how to not get bogged down by the ugly yet unavoidable facts of Corporate American life, such as discrimination and sexism, and black-educated life, e.g. elitism and classicism?

True, blogs with celebrity-focus were blowing up - and continue to do so - but I had (and still have) another purpose. Maybe you do, too? While b-school may be great for your peers, who says it's for YOU? Even if it is indeed in your cards, what happened to your not-for-profit/entrepreneurial focus? Returning to finance in two years, eh? Since when and says who?

Try not to envy others' success or purpose, or to get caught up in their hype. Be patient with yourself and your process as you seek to develop and hone in on your craft. Walk in your purpose. Cease comparison-shopping for what something better in the gifts department, and don't give in to any doubt about your path.

Happy purposing,

Will Smith's Wisdom: On pursuing unlimited possibilities!

2011-01-11T15:05:00.001-05:00

Top 9 Job Sites - Mashable.com

2011-01-10T15:10:00.001-05:00

9 great job sites, some you maybe haven't considered!

Happy Monday, dolls and dons.

Cocoa Girl at Work may be ‘out of the office’ but that doesn’t mean I’ve stop working…for you!

Please find below a great round up of ‘must do’ job sites that every employment seeker should peruse, compliments of a gf who I will call “Media Maven.”

BTW, if you have other sites in mind, please leave a comment.

Top 9 Job Sites

Happy Hunting,

JMB (Just Me Blogging)...on dating, "levels" and other sorted varieties of bullsh*t...

2011-01-07T17:30:00.004-05:00

It's a new year, so allow Cocoa to be frank, in the name of starting this bish off in another direction.

My people, if you're still screening possible dates according to their resumes, accolades and titles, in the name of dating someone "on your level," and claiming you want a lasting union - or at least a fighting chance at a relationship - then you're bullsh*tting, AND you deserve whatever frivilous, shallow hell you find yourself in once you snag that job title.

Let's be real, you're not concerned with finding a decent MAN or WOMAN. You want some impressive shit to share with friends, acquaintances and other mere mortals who's opinion shouldn't matter in the grand scheme your life. What you may be really saying is "I want someone who's worth in society's eyes matches mine." And, if that's the case, all I can say is it SUCKS to be you.

Your worth as a person shouldn't be based on anything external to your God-given makeup.

Please, for the sake of black humanity, grab a therapist, pick up a copy of 'O' - whatever - just find a way to forge proper self-esteem,which isn't built upon anything external to - or an extension of - you. That's why it's called "self" esteem. Until you do that, please stop polluting our City's dating scene, our people and my ears (lawd, my ears) with your poison.

With love,

JMB (Just Me Blogging) on...Emotional Intimacy.

2011-01-05T00:54:00.010-05:00

Happy new year, y'all!

Sorry that I've been gone so darn longish. Been off gallivanting for the holla-days and celebrating the XXth birthday (no, I'm not kidding with those XX's and, yes, "really"). Also, I've been prepping to take on this new year, aka the BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. So, my thoughts have been uber occupied with decisions, planning, praying and stressing. Yet, a new post on passions versus talents is on the way...for those of you who swear ya don't feel passionate about anything (bologna!). So stay tuned.

In the meantime, I've decided to just blog...real casual-like (*southern accent spoken here*). Since Cocoa Girl at Work is about working on ALL areas of your life, aka THRIVING, I've decided to break the mold and blog about something kinda personal ... my quest to open up emotionally. Even whilst writing this isht got my tummy all squiggly inside. lol. So, without further adieu...

* * *

Criinge...

God played me yesterday. Rather, He got me real good.

Based on a laundry list of mess that I encountered as a child (somebody say la tragique?), I've always been rather closed offed as an adult and have been working the past few years to open back up to love. Now, when I say 'closed off,' I am not talking socially. In that department, I'm rather insane. As an only child who grew up with a not always present parent, I learned to make friends...a lot of friends...and to find my activity, connection, affection, attention and, sometimes, love, outside our tiny, two person fam whenever necessary. Yet, while I've always excelled at making friends - a few close, many more my associates - I have struggled to open up intimately within those relationships. Ya know, emotionally intimate, as in: let the two of us -- my man or my friend -- sit real close and divulge the innermost ups, downs, dreams, dilemmas and trials of our hearts. That kind of 'opening up.' The stuff that those happy, healing and healthy (gah) relationships and friendships are made of.

Truth be told, me and my shortcoming shawty were all fine and dandy until 1) I realized that I was rocking it like a man does a neon pink feather boa at the gay parade (with pride and damn comfortably) and 2) I recognized that said issue was keeping closer friends - and The Mens - at bay. Enter God. Rather, enter my very recent prayer chain to Him for the courage, strength, wisdom and opportunities (key word) to embark on the path essential to deading this emotional intimacy thingy once and for all.

Enter, part deux: yesterday's invitation from my neighbor.

Ordinarily, the extent of the acquaintanceship with my upstairs nabe usually entails me stopping by to say hello, picking up free magazines and pausing long enough to shoot the breeze about being over NYC but wanting to leave ~~him~~ it on our terms. I mean, other than the fact that we're both XX-year-old chicks residing in Harlem with an affection for Brooklyn and mundane gigs to support the pursuit of our creative passions, there's nothing much else that we share in common. So while chatty and kinda long (spanning about 1.5 hours) our encounters are usually basic. That is, until yesterday.

"Do you have a minute; can you come in and chat? I want to talk to you about something," she said.

"Sure," I responded, totally missing the formality of the invitation.

What ensued was a 1.5 hour chatfest, per usual. Except, this time around, instead of discussing the latest OPI color with sparkles, chic and cheap cocktail dresses or other frivolous shit, I listened as she lamented about the five-year-model-actor who broke her heart and called on New Year’s Eve to do it again.

“Ah shit,” I said to myself. “I’ve been set up, divinely set up.”

Now, perhaps this all wouldn’t faze a high-scorer/over-achiever in the emotional intimacy category, but I practically froze. All I could think was 1) “OMG…she’s trying to go there with meee, but…this. isn’t. us. we. are. just. neighbors” and 2) “OMG…I hope my eyes are not screaming ‘OMG!’ (they’re pretty darn expressive).

God, it appears, was up to His usual trickery…or prayer fulfillment…take your pick. And there I was, unsuspecting and only present to swipe my free copies of this month's Vanity Fair, Allure and Vogue. Yet, there she sat: on the verge of tears and needing to share something troubling her heart with an unfamiliar soul.

Well, emotionally-retardant in all, you will be glad to know that I survived our “chat.” While challenging, I did what I could to not flee down one flight of steps into my silent yet safe abode and to lower my walls after the “emotional intruder” alarm has sounded. I simply repeated a simple mantra, which went something like “It’s gonna be okay…let’s just hope her eyes don't well up…but, if they do, you won’t die…and, if you do, let’s hope you go quickly.” She shared and poured out her heart. I listened and wasn't engulfed by the magnitude of her sadness or problems. Her worries did not become mine and I did not struggle to bear the weight of them, while present and definitely not once I left her presence (according to Allure, btw, two-toned nails are all the rage come spring...oww!). In a nutshell, I was fine, and, while my fears about connecting with others emotionally are not gone, I have a new perspective to help me continually chip away at the issue.

And, as for God, I let Him know that I was thankful for the opportunity to yet again tackle my emotional ineptness...but not before giving Him hell about the set up.

At least I have that part of being the chick in a relationship with a "man" down-pat.

Humming, coming (back) atcha!

2010-12-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry kiddies...

T'was the birth celebration weekend and Cocoacita was all over the place...in a good way. I'm coming back with articles this week, however.

Much love and grinding,

CG

3 Minutes to the Best Career for You

2010-12-16T14:47:00.002-05:00

Beware, once you click on the link below you (literally!) will be three minutes or less away from confirming the best career track for you! Are you truly ready to possess that kind of knowledge and self-awareness?

This may all sound like a gimmick but as a taker of Meyers-Brigg and many other popular personality inventory exams, I can attest to the accuracy of the Dewey Color System test. While Dewey's test involves ranking color swabs on-screen according to colors that appeal to you the most, other tests usually require participants to answer hundreds of questions over the course of one to two hours.

This quick test was so accurate that it not only determined my primary career area but my secondary one as well.

Enjoy and please leave feedback!

Cocoa Girl

http://www.deweycolorsystem.com/personality-test

2010 Goals Unattained? Game Not Over

2010-12-09T06:53:00.005-05:00

1.1.11

With less than month until the curtain drops on 2010 and there’s a holiday cocktail of reasons to feel guilty about what you haven't done this year. The red kettle mafia partially-obstructing access into your favorite shops (well, I did say I would give more money), last night’s spiked eggnog with the Absolut BK ice cubes (thought I was counting calories), Rum cake slice 2.0, okay really 3.0 (I haven’t been to the gym since Labor Day), Vicki’s C plastic card purchases…on plastic, the friend-of-a-friend at the party bragging that he is now ‘triple-degreed’ … this list could go on forever.

If you find that your festive spirit is frequently interrupted by nagging-streams of consciousness this time of year, do not pout, do not cry, and do not shout (at the braggadocious brother)…it’s not his fault, and I’ll tell you why. You’re being haunted by the Ghost from January’s Goals-List Past.

“Give more to charity. Eat better. Work out more often. Get out of debt. Research and apply to grad school…”

Any of these tasks ring a Salvation Army holiday bell?

Before you recoil at this goal-life revelation in horror, let’s keep it “100”: while some of us spent 2010 checking our goals list – twice – others haven’t been racing to remind ourselves of what we haven’t yet done these past 11 + months! And we’re now feeling a tad bit like loser-ish because of it. Yet, because I have also felt this after skillfully avoiding my goals list and strategically-placed red “Donation” kettles, I can say: you’re not alone and you’re okay.

“Really,” you ask. Yup.

With just more than two weeks until 1.1.11, there is still value to be gained from the process of working toward your targets, even if you do not accomplish all of them or even all of one. You simply gotta hop off the self-guilt sleigh ride and shift your year-end game focus.

“Invest in the process, not in the outcome.” ~ Srikumar Rao
As I shared in a recent post, my new good friend (in my mind), Srikumar Rao, author of “Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful – No Matter What” penned this fabulous pearl of wisdom. Here is the full quote:

“By all means, work toward a goal, but stop fretting about outcomes. They’re beyond our control anyway. Invest in the process, not in the outcome. Accept the outcome, whatever it is, as joyfully as you can. This becomes a new starting point for you.”

In other words, place more value in the journey than the destination. Consider a woman who wants to drop 15 pounds in three months. She writes down her desire, thereby anointing it a “goal,” and lists steps to help her attain it. Yet, in the end, she falls short. Was all her work for naught? You may say yes before considering her journey. In order to lose 15 pounds (the desired outcome), the woman had to implement a series of lifestyle changes conducive to her losing weight (her process). So, while she didn’t lose the weight, after cutting out several foods and working out more, she felt more energized. In addition, she also noticed that skin issues she experienced since childhood had cleared up. Come to find out, the rashes were the result of a major yet undetected food allergy that she only discovered while undergoing the process of cutting certain unhealthy foods from her diet in order to lose weight.

So again, let me ask you: was her process for nothing? The food allergy discovery aside, what if the three-pound loss gave her enough confidence to try again over the next three months? What if her switch to eating healthier foods granted her enough energy to hit the gym more frequently? To try yoga? Running outdoors? Maybe, the three-pound loss, rather, more specifically, the steps she took to lose three pounds, were her new starting point, toward something bigger, better and greater.

Hopefully, you have surmised that reaching the destination isn’t nearly as important as what you encounter along the way, aka the journey. That’s investing in the process and not getting caught up on the outcome.
Transformation, growth, overcoming fears and developing confidence are a few of the benefits gleaned when we invest in the process of our lives. The key is to stick with your journey and to and learn from it what you can.

And a final note…
There is always the possibility that you have not sought to achieve your goals for other reasons, such as you no longer feel as led, energized or enthusiastic about those pursuits as you once did. Why could this happen? For starters, perhaps those desires were never yours to begin with and were birthed out of a need to fulfill expectations held by your parents, peers or spouse. Maybe an old insecurity (lack of education or money) prompted you to chase after goals you did not truly desire in the name of remaining competitive.

Whatever the case, the big gift (and who doesn’t love those this time of year?) is to be able to see and acknowledge that old goal for what it is – something that you once needed and no longer do! And, guess what, even if you never have reached said goal, this would be your “outcome”…and don’t feel bad about it. Instead, meditate on what you discovered about yourself along the way. Honor it and use it to guide you. For, as Rao says, “this will be your new starting pointing.”

And just in time for a new year!

Happy Hustling,

Your Calling and Four Challenges You May Face in Pursuing It

2010-12-08T15:49:00.008-05:00

A must read...mutiple times.

“Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our [calling].”

“'We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse ‘Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.’”

“The secret of life… is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

What follows is the introduction letter to one of a short list of books that has helped to shape my life, over and over again. To this end, I just finished reading it again, for the fourth time, as I do every few years. For me, it is truly, the gift that keeps on giving.

The book at the center of my praise and the affections of more than 20 million readers worldwide (and that was in 2002, the year the aforementioned letter was penned) is the novel “The Alchemist,” a fable that dispenses timeless wisdom through the story of a young man in pursuit of his personal legend/treasure/calling. Through the main character's, Santiago, challenges, defeats and triumphs – all inevitable facts of life – we learn how to fall, get back up and keep pressing on toward our dreams.

The mind behind the above quotes, the book and its introduction below is Paulo Coehlo, a Brazilian-born spiritual writer.

I typed it to share with all of you because that’s how much it spoke to me. Feel free to share it with others. And, in case it wasn’t obvious enough: read the book.

* * *

I remember receiving a letter from The American Publisher Harper Collins that said: “reading The Alchemist was like getting up at dawn and seeing the sun rise while the rest of the world still slept.” I went outside, looked up at the sky, and thought to myself: “So, the book is going to be published in English!” At the time, I was struggling to establish myself as a writer and to follow my path despite all the voices telling me it was impossible.

And little by little, my dream was becoming reality. Ten, a hundred, a thousand, a million copies sold in America. One day, a Brazilian journalist phoned to say that President Clinton had been photographed reading the book. Sometime later, when I was in Turkey, I opened the magazine Vanity Fair and there was Julia Roberts declaring that she adored the book. Walking alone down a street in Miami, I heard a girl telling her mother: “You must read The Alchemist!”

The book has been translated into 56 languages, has sold more than 20 million copies, and people are beginning to ask: what’s the secret behind such a huge success?

The only honest response: I don’t know. All I know is that, like Santiago, the shepherd boy, we all need to be aware of our personal calling. What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream.

Why?

There are four obstacles. First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still there.

If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse “Oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.” We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats—and we always do—we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.

Oscar Wilde said: “Each man kills the thing he loves.” And it’s true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcome, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal – when it was only a step away (ouch!)

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

Reflective

2010-12-06T18:40:00.036-05:00

A birthday that coincides with the last month of the year is like God-sized value add. The December baby now has two significant reasons to be uber-reflective. Not only are we entering a new year of our personal lives, but the entire universe (which includes us, too!) is approaching a new year of existence. Someone born during this time frame who can manage to juggle moments of quiet contemplation and all those holiday party invites (we're rather popular, ya know?) is blessed to see where she is and just where she wants to be in 365 days.

This is where I am.

With birthday XX just 13 days away, I've been observing, watching, surveying my professional, love, friend, and spiritual life like the United States' T.S.A. under Code Orange. The past year of living introduced tremendous growth for me. I managed to ~~tear~~ help my friends tear down some emotional walls long ago erected by my subconscious in order to protect my heart. I finally opened up to receive a new (for me) kind of love that had always been knocking, but I was scared to let in. I saw myself - my presence - contributing to others' healing, if even only in small ways, for now. And, after almost four years of struggling, I was able to reclaim dreams and callings that I thought had long ago perished.

It's like, I want to declare my return, but that just wouldn't make sense. The only place I am "back" to is dreaming and knowing why I am here. Everything else - the open heart, the wall-less (as in a lesser number, not total absence) living, and the unconditional new kind of love...it's all new to me. And, just in time for another year of the same nature.

I cannot even begin to imagine what birthday year XX (yes, I am SO serious with those XX's) and, subsequently, has in store. All I know is my head is clear, my heart is open, and I'm ready to be blown away.

Twenty 10 was definitely the best year of my past decade. 2011, what you got?

I know y'all Cocoa Girl readers are rather mouse-ish, but if you're willing to share, what's this past year shown you?

The Best I've Ever Had

2010-11-29T15:54:00.002-05:00

The morning commute.

Sidewalks decorated with half-eaten chicken wings, paper and other forms of biodegradable waste, whistling construction crews, and surprises from Mother Nature sum up the biggest challenges to commuting while female, well- (high?) heeled, and coifed. While my Monday-Friday traipse to the B/C line can be, err, distracting, it’s nothing that a tall Soy Chai or my Madam Nano can’t tune out.

So much that on one unseasonably warm November a.m., just shy of 8 a.m., I was good. Great even. Drake was spitting morning affirmations into my ears and I felt awake and alive. Thanks to my latest find, "Sweet As Cocoa" by Mac, I looked it. Sun shining, coat open – in November – and on time to work? Magic was in my air and I might as well had been on cloud 79. So what could possibly have put happy, joyful ole' me in an even better mood? Something that started and ended so quickly it could not have been a part of a larger, grand scheme. So random it threw this nine-year New Yorker off guard, and so ineloquent, choppy and booming in sound that I quickly diagnosed its owner as “mental” with a case of Terets to boot….

"ilikeyourNOSE."

Poof. I want to say that the compliment bearer appeared right in front of my face and then was gone. Yet reality had it that as I rummaged through my overstuffed, three-ton hobo (actually, the fifth challenge to commuting while effortlessly fly), this brother neared me and sprinkled his confidence boosting dust my way, without missing a step. By the time I looked up we were almost shoulder to shoulder, and then he blew past. His presence was so quick yet quaint that I unofficially dubbed dude my Fairy God brother. Except instead of having fair skin, blonde hair, a purple taffeta, magic wand and wings, my gift bearer rocked washed out, dusty denim, a red, distant cousin of a Member’s Only number, and a grocery bag in each hand.

“Did he just say ‘I like your nose’ I asked the universe, still in disbelief. As a solid and curvy size 10, I have received compliments on everything from my chocolate complexion to my ample derriere…but never, in 32 years, on the nose. Even after this angel had made his way down the block, yes, I repeatedly twirled around to make sure he was still there – and real, his magical words continued to intoxicate me.

While the brother was by no means my type, and perceptibly not on my “level,” his declaration struck a chord deep in my spirit.

You see, earlier that year, after nearly three decades gazing into the mirror and looking North, South, East & West of - a.k.a. in every direction but AT - my nose, I finally began to look at her with "Like." Eventually, the “like” evolved to "cute," and my bullying self talk had to take a back seat. No longer was I (only) calling my nose "flat," "too big," "too wide," or the other nasty little orphans that were birthed by misguided family and friends but to whom my mind so easily granted a home. I was beginning to embrace her, and my Fairy God Bro expedited my process.

Now lifted off his compliment, I skipped along toward my destination, but much faster and with some extra bounce. My smile was bigger, my waive faster, and I swear – pinky swear – I even wiggled my nose, Tabitha-style.

No, I am not a good witch or a genie and, no, I don’t own a tiara or anything taffeta…unless it's coming back in style. Yet, dude's sincere and unique compliment still managed to lift me on high. Therefore, as of November 24, dude went on record as giving the best (compliment) I've ever had.

Happiness At Work - One Good Quote!

2010-11-26T12:19:00.002-05:00

"By all means, work toward a goal, but stop fretting about outcomes. They're beyond our control anyway. Invest in the process, not in the outcome. Accept the outcome, whatever it is, as joyfully as you can. This becomes a new starting point for you."

~ S. Rao, author of "Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated and Successful - No Matter What"

Buppies Gone Wild: The-Harvard-Yale-Gangbanger-Club Debacle

2010-11-24T13:39:00.002-05:00

As someone who was born black in the Alabama, raised in Minnesota, and weaned in the hallways and conference rooms of some of the Lilliest of corporations in some of the most white-washed of industries, I have experienced a fair share of discrimination. So, as I read this young, black, Ivy Leaguer’s response to being wrongfully being ejected from a night club and found myself cringing and gagging, instead of feeling sympathy for the chap, I knew a nerve had been struck and that I had to post. Per usual, let me know your thoughts.

The author, Michael Beal, a 2006 graduate of Harvard, emailed the text in question to a list of his Ivy peers who were also booted from the new Boston night club, Cure. In a feeling-some-kind-of-way-yet-I-won't-just-say-so, corporately-passive letter, Beal alleges that the night club’s white management accidentally mistook his guests for ~~regular black folk~~ local gangbangers and thereby decided to shut down his party at 11pm. The event was sponsored by an organization that Beal co-founded named "Triumph" and was one of many events taken place during the annual Harvard-Yale football rivalry weekend festivities. According to Jezebel.com, where you can find Mr. Beal’s letter in its entirety, “[the party]…was shut down just after 11 pm? Why? The club owner was concerned that a long line of black people outside would make the club look bad.”

While I understand the pain of being stereotyped against on the basis of skin color and find it quite plausible that Beal and his partygoers faced this sort of discrimination at Cure, in the end, the club owners’ irgnorama barely surprised me. Yet, Beal's email, which basically boils down to "given our credentials, this shouldn't have happened to us" disturbed, confused and quasi-annoyed me. Yes, 10-year Manhattanite, I-banking engulfed me.

In Beal’s own words, excerpts from his email:

Here are two of Beal’s quotes in response to the club management’s demands that the bouncers only admit alums who prove their Yale/Harvard connection via school IDs and, thereby, prove they were not ‘local gangbangers’…
“…the reason we did the party on a pre-sold basis with strict admittance based solely on the guest list was to guarantee that the only attendees were Harvard and Yale alumni, grad students and their close friends and to ensure that no ‘bad seeds’ could contaminate our party.”

“At approximately 10:45, after we won the argument concerning the amazing quality of our crowd and the strictness of our guest list…”

Beal’s words to his party guest list, concerning the purpose of the organization he helped to create…
As anyone who knows us understands, the only reason we created Triumph was to foster an environment where educated individuals (black and non-black) can congregate knowing that they are amongst like-minded persons.

Concerning his lingering feelings about the event…
…as a black man, these emotions are trumped by an arduous feeling of sadness that regardless of our crowd representing the pinnacle of academic achievement as Harvard and Yale College alumni, Law, Medical, Business and PhD students, we were perceived as a threat because of our skin color.

I mean, really?

A few questions and comments off the top of my head:

“bad seeds and contaminate?".… Is this really the way we think of other black folk? Is it acceptable to go on record describing them this way? Was there anyone – one nary soul – on the Triumph list serve who was offended by this language? Any Harvard Kennedy School/social work cats invited to the party (but clearly left off Beal’s ‘pinnacle’ listing) who felt this comment was a tad bit off?

“amazing quality of our crowd”…. Just a pontification: what (who?) defines the amazing ‘quality’ of a person? Another mortal? Yeah, God, I know… I just LMBAO, too!

“the only reason we created Triumph was to foster an environment where educated individuals (black and non-black) can congregate knowing that they are amongst like-minded persons.”… Wow. Let’s hope that in 2010 that wasn’t really the only reason.

…as a black man, these emotions are trumped by an arduous feeling of sadness that regardless of our crowd representing the pinnacle of academic achievement as Harvard and Yale College alumni, Law, Medical, Business and PhD students, we were perceived as a threat because of our skin color.…

Why all the conditions? Why couldn’t this sentence have read …"as a black man, these emotions are trumped by an arduous feeling of sadness that ~~regardless of our crowd representing the pinnacle of academic achievement as Harvard and Yale College alumni, Law, Medical, Business and PhD students,~~ we were perceived as a threat because of our skin color"?

Would this situation had been any less worthy of attention if Beal and his guests were not Ivy grads nor MD, MBA and PhD contenders? Would the club promoters’ treatment of them had been justified? Would Jezebel.com even have posted the story?

To me, Beal’s self-proclaimed “verbose” email boils down to a little more than “Hey, we’re Ivy League. How dare you do this to us.” Instead of sticking to basic rights, like Hey, we have a contract...Hey, we are human...Hey, we have rights...," homeboy (no offense) is blown that his Ivy status was denied.

Whatever happened to arguing for rights that are like, um, inalienable? Is that not sexy or New Age enough? Perhaps those kind of rights are just too grassroots and inclusive? *shoulder shrug* Cocoa Doesn’t Know – CDK.

Call me something terrible like a community activist, organizer or Christian, but after reading Beal's email, I swear that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Christ just rolled over in their tombs. Well, King in his tomb and Christ…err…perhaps in his cloud - ?

But, seriously: thoughts?

Cocoa “Perhaps I should change my name to 'Godiva’” Girl

Working While Black? Get Yourself a Spon-sah

2010-11-23T17:09:00.006-05:00

Carla Harris

“You can survive a very long time in your career without a mentor, but you will NOT be able to ascend within any organization without a sponsor.” – Carla Harris

"He ain’t no square, he just like to share. In love with the tipper throwing hundreds in the air…" – Teairra Mari

No, your pretty brown eyes have not deceived you. I, Cocoa Girl, have quoted an R&B tartlet. Yet, before you start spewing all that's wrong with Teairra (or T-Error, if you prefer) Mari’s “I Got Myself A Sponsor,” you should know that the tart is as right as her Yaki is long: America's HCIC (head cocoas in charge) all advocate finding a sponsor ... at work.

Teairra may sing about finding someone who gladly contributes (cash?) to the building up of her public image, but she is not entirely off base. According to famed African American Wall Street veteran Carla Harris, every cocoa at work needs a sponsor to strengthen their public persona, which will help accelerate her advancement at work. Few people - cocoas or otherwise - have the accomplishments to argue against her.

As one of a handful of African American managing directors on Wall Street, Harris began 25-year journey to the senior ranks of Morgan Stanley’s investment banking division long before analyst and associate training programs were recruiting at HBCUs. Since embarking on her path in finance, she has executed initial public offerings (IPOs) for the likes of UPS, Martha Stewart Living and Omnimedia and she has also been named to lists for Fortune Magazine ("The Most Powerful Black Executives in Corporate America") and Essence Magazine ("The 50 Women Who are Shaping the World"). Furthermore, relationships she has built in the office and her achievements have afforded opportunities to pursue her passions outside of the office. As an accomplished singer, she has twice sold out Carnegie Hall to benefit schools in Harlem, NY, NY and her hometown, Jacksonville, Fla. Harris contributes her success, in large part, to all of her sponsors (she has gone on record as saying that she has had many through the years).

“A sponsor is the most important relationship that you can have within your professional career…you cannot do it on your own,” she says on her website Carlaspearls.com. “Your intelligence, hard work, and experience are necessary in maximizing your success, but not sufficient. You will need relationships and other people and the sponsor relationship is the most important one that you can have.”

So what exactly is a Sponsor?
According to Harris, a sponsor is your professional advocate at work. Someone who will use “his or her professional and social capital on your behalf.” This person is most familiar with your accomplishments and potential and believes in your abilities. So much that he or she invests in your career trajectory and is willing to argue behind closed doors as to why you should get that stellar bonus, promotion or new opportunity.

The Profile of the Ideal Sponsor
A sponsor must have significant exposure to you and your work, either directly or indirectly, and they may not always be your direct boss or supervisor. Secondly, the person must be well-respected and influential within your company, or be in the position to influence the key decision makers and power brokers on the job. “They need to be able to get it done on your behalf, whatever “it” happens to be a raise, bonus, promotion, etc.

“Lastly, the person needs to be passionate about you, what you have done for the organization, and your career trajectory. They must be passionate and a believer in you. They should also be willing and able to recruit others to your success team and garner more support for you within the organization,” she says.

How to Get A Sponsor?
By now, you should understand why the sponsor relationship is critical to your advancement at work. As with anything that is important and can make a lasting impact on your life, securing this relationship won’t necessarily be easy. You may have to search for months to locate a sponsor-worthy candidate and, once you do, he or she may choose to decline your request for a relationship. Whatever challenges you face, don’t give up. Below are a few tips to help you secure a sponsor at work:

- If you haven’t already done so, create a list of your accomplishments.
- Compile a list of people who are aware of your individual successes on the job, taking into account direct supervisors and anyone who has had a hand in assigning your duties.
- Ask for a meeting with your potential sponsor(s) (it is okay to have more than one) and lay out your request for a relationship. “Go to that meeting prepared to talk about your history at the company, focusing more on what your current responsibilities are and where you are seeking to move next,” says Carla.
- At the meeting, spend at least one third of the conversation talking to your potentially new sponsor about what objectives or challenges are on his/her agenda. “Ideally, you want to find a way to be helpful to them as part of your new relationship,” she says.
- If he or she says no, tell yourself “onto the next one” but not before you find out WHY that person does not want to sponsor you. This could be very valuable information.

Sponsors versus Mentors?

“You can survive a very long time in your career without a mentor, but you will NOT be able to ascend within any organization without a sponsor.” – Carla Harris

Perhaps you read this entire post with the looming question “but isn’t that what my mentor is for?” The answer is hardly.

Mentors do matter. They help us grow, confront challenges, especially those working-while-cocoa ones, and to mitigate and strengthen our shortcomings. Yet, it is for these very reasons that our mentors cannot be our sponsors. To our sponsors, we are rock stars. Not perfect, but our performance is solid and strong. To our mentors, we are wet behind the ears and trying...maybe even a little scared, or rough around the edges. To them, we are imperfect but under construction. Two noble helpers with very different callings. Keep them separate.

In closing, Cocoa Girl would like to implore you to step outside your comfort zone when it comes to finding a sponsor. Since graduating college, I have worked in two industries: Public Relations and Finance/Investment Banking. Both are Lilly-white environments that happen to pose challenges for employees of all races and socio-economic levels, but especially for us.

All this to say, I needed a black mentor to help me survive in those client cut-throat cultures. Yet, keeping 100, a black sponsor would not have gotten me as far as a white one. It is what it is. Therefore, when seeking your sponsor, remember: this is about power and influence, not relating. That's what your mentor is for.

Godspeed!

PS - To learn more about Ms Carla Harris, click here.

3 Resume Tips from Cocoa Girl

2010-11-17T19:12:00.004-05:00

With the nation’s recession fog looming and more and more workers losing their jobs (*cough, cough*), ‘tis the season to look for a different gig. Yet, then again, there is never a time not to look for work. The brightest and most ambitious cocoa girls (and guys) at work don’t wait until they want more money, have been questionably passed up for a promotion the second time, or get laid off to look for their next job. Nope. They remain ahead of the possibilities.

Aside from maintaining a well-connected professional network and regularly inquiring about job openings, cocoas also stay ready for the prospect of a new job by treating their resume as a living document…one that requires regular care and attention to remain viable. Allow Cocoa Girl to show you how you can do the same.

Update it regularly, even frequently.

Unless you lack savvy to not store a copy of your resume on the work computer, there are no known drawbacks to updating it regularly. The benefits are numerous. Not only will doing so better ensure that you don’t forget key projects, issues you resolved, and accolades that bare your imprint, but it will also allow you to be ready when opportunity knocks at your door, perhaps unexpectedly.

Talk accomplishments, not duties.

Your duties make you blend in. Your achievements make you stand out. Which do you think most job candidates list on their one-pagers? If you answered "the first one" you are correct-o.

List four or five bullet points that highlight what you have achieved on the job and you will you shine, because most candidates fail to do this.

Leave the address at home.

Now, I know defies all sample-resume-listed-online advice, but hear Cocoa out. I live in that urban Mecca called Harlem and, while it reigns as the gentrification capital of the USA, the nabe still spells B-L-A-C-K.

My brown-girl-in-corporate-America-logic declares that we can never be too sure of other people’s biases and, quite frankly, they’re not always aware of them either. So, do both you and the possibly color-complexed hiring manager a fave and maintain a bit of mystery until the first date, err, interview.

Note: this isn't only a racial issue. Suppose your dream job is located a 45 mile drive away – and the hiring manager wants someone who lives within 10 miles. Even so, there is always a strong chance that your skills, achievements and wonderfully warm demeanor at the interview can outshine his or her zip code preference.

I hope these tips help strengthen your job search. Keep the faith and do what you can to be the strongest candidate you can be, starting with your resume.

The Sig!

2010-11-10T18:31:00.001-05:00

I loves my name!

For Tragic Sad Ho Angry B!tch Girls

2010-11-02T14:44:00.005-04:00

Fashionably sad...the same old black woman's tale?

Like many of you, I too want to see For Colored Girls. The book/play is a classic. The cast is critically acclaimed and features some of the best actors that black Hollywood has to offer. Yet, I am massively over the T.C.H.A.B. stuff (see the post title), and rightfully so. Judging by the movie trailer and TP's Oprah interview, Colored Girls will mimic this model. It's as though everyone - from heteroquestionable males to CNN to thrice married (and divorced) comedians - has a platform substantial enough to tell the world "our" stories besides us.

Let these people tell it, black women are single, mad, uneducated, educated and manless, drug-addicted, pregnant, promiscuous, etc. Yes, there are black women with those stories and our sisters' stories need to be told. Yet even for said cocoas, such isn't their only story line. Life is replete with ups and downs; struggles and sunshine; boo'd-upness and singlehood; feast and famine; abuse and empowerment. So why are we so hesitant to tell and (perhaps) to patronage media that shows black women in a different light...as desired, sought after, HAPPY, chasing our dreams and just plain 'ole LIVING.

Where are our 'small town girl moves to the big city' (and not because she was fleeing a life of drugs, prostitution and molestation) flicks? Or how about our romantic comedies that are released more often than a Haley's Comet sighting or hell freezing over?

Due to the theaters next week is Morning Glory, a seemingly delightful tale of a striving young white woman who lands the job of her dreams, one that could elevate her career to new heights. Over the course of two hours, the audience gets to follow the protagonist (Rachel McAdams) as she encounters the cultural challenges that confront her at every turn of her new endeavor: New York living; Corporate America and its politics, cut-throat, crazy ass diva bosses, and (gasp!) even love on the job. Her tale is not much unlike any other dreaming and driven young adult's quest to live out her dreams. Matter of fact, it's a hell of a lot like mine and my cocoa comrades, from Cairo to ATL to Chicago to London and back. So when will this story be ours? Will the world - heck, let's start with US, black folks - ever accept that this too is our story?

Signing off...with crossed fingers for Friday!
Cocoa Girl

New Season

2010-10-21T13:56:00.001-04:00

"I feel seasons everywhere.
And I feel blessings in the air.
Those seeds that you've sewn; you're gonna come into your own.
Seasons. Walk into your season."
-- D. Lawrence, "Seasons"

Me loves this song. Just about as much as I heart the fall leaves and changing of summer into fall. While I lament the end of reckless, streamless happy hour, rooftop bars, splurging and just being plain 'ole carefree, I welcome the change of pace that comes with fall. Life, responsible life as we know it, comes back into focus. Plans get more serious. The days are shorter, so a sense of urgency and responsibilityy returns to the air. And it's year-end, so we begin to reflect on what we accomplished January through August and seriously consider what *still* needs to be done. Some of us begin planning for next year and the next, etc.

Me, Cocoa, I do all of that and one more thing: contemplate returning to school. Twenty-ten marks year number, um, five for one of my most favoritest mental exercises.

I've always known that I wanted to obtain a graduate degree, but after attempting to tackle the LSAT and the GMAT (yes, prepped for both of them ninjas!), I God decided that I needed to chillax and postpone applying to grad school until I knew that I was returning WITH and ON purpose. Purpose being the stuff that greatness and higher callings are made of.

So, here I am: at the library because my home Internet access is kaput and about to hop off blogger to research grad school programs. It - life - feels great. Surely many a New York "some" say I've so far behind my peers. Yet, I am on path - my path - and am excited. I also ponder: who gives a damn what others say?

Granted, the old, younger, more impressionable me, would've loved to snag the extra credential when I was vexed on snagging a a G.O.P. ("good on paper") brotha and impressing a town of folks worried about impressing the next unknown cat. Yet, I'm no longer there. So whatever accomplishments I make come May 2012 will have to be good enough for lil 'ole me.

Cocoa Girl
PS - sorry that I left you for so long. I was traveling the country on double-funeral duty :-/

Be More Than What You Do, Boo.

2010-10-08T13:20:00.002-04:00

“I’ve learned that making a living ain’t the same thing as making a life.” -- Maya Angelou

Me loves this quote, but what I love even more is how it has impacted others. Per usual (as Cocoa tends to do with grinding-related gems of wisdom), I shared Ms Angelou’s decree with the masses of Tweetdom. Instantly, its citizen-strivers, climbers, visionaries and dreamers and legends-to-be er’s responded with glee. Okay, they really only retweeted. Yet - still - I hoped the popularity of the Ms Angelou's words would one day represent a new focus among my peers. A focus that shows despite what our daddies, CNN and Ricky Ross’s record sells say, our generation is finally making "success" the jump-off and wife'ing that dame called "greatness." Don’t recognize the difference between the two? Take a Walk with me...

As a 10-year resident of the job-title-worshipping fiefdom called “Black Educated NYC,” I once struggled to remain on my creative path. Over the course of five years, I sped past the landmarks that bore the unique and divine imprint I was to leave on this earth and crashed into a pit called "Wall Street." There, my creativity burned and I blamed the consuming fire on something so brown, all consuming and messy that I nickname it "BP" (Buppie Pressure, not British Petro, folks). Yet, could I really attribute my affection for downward slippery slopes on NYC's black and upwardly mobile set? After all, whites, Asians and brown folks from other continents have struggled with the same pursue my calling vs. C.R.E.A.M. issues. In the end, I got back on track after realizing that if I'd just stick to making a life out of pursuing my passions, my skills would award me something greater than quick money, status and fame... "Success" circa 2010, which brings Cocoa back to....

Us. Maybe, just maybe, us north of 30 strivers are finally chasing after achievement, a matter of feeling fulfilled, instead of settling for advancement. Something generally gained through meeting somebody else’s expectations; by scaling their ranks. Perhaps the 2008 Obama campaign is still inspiring the young and black G.O.P. (good on paper) masses to design and build a meaningful life? One where our professional goals support and utilize our unique talents and are not under-utilized or just used to garner us the highest paycheck.

Why does it matter, you say? Contemplate the end game if Maya became a writer for the check only; Oprah stuck with broadcast journalism to achieve local celebrity status, and President Obama endured three years of law school for the credential alone. Maya maybe would have become a copywriter, which pays more than an aspiring artist or poet. Oprah could have remained a local celeb at her first TV news gig in Boomfrik, USA. And President Obama could be fancy (as he is!) but miserable at a stodgy, top 10 shop. In either case, each of these greats could have singularly pursued success or money and satisfied their minimal desires. Yet how would have such basic striving impacted all of Cocoakind and the rest of the world? Aunties Maya and Oprah and Unc Barak were passionate about their career tracks and, therefore, didn't settle early in their professional pursuits.

It has been said that achieving greatness requires living a passionate life and working toward like goals. Press pass job titles and salary grades on toward your passions/purpose in this world.

Happy grinding,
Cocoa

A.P.B.: Your Life's Work!

2010-09-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

Cocoa America:

It's 11:10 on a Sunday night...do you know where your calling is?

If you're like five out of one trillion working working adults there is a decent chance that your life's purpose will greet you come morning, chair-tilted, feet-on-desk, with its second cup of 'cino in tow. Yet, if you're like so many of us commoners of all workingkind, you haven't a clue of what truly floats the little yacht in your heart called "SS Passion."

No worries, dolls. Cocoa Girl is with you. I haven't a clue as to what my dream job will be, either. I mean, other than the fact that it more than likely won't be a "job," in the standard sense, at all. No employee IDs, desks, timesheets, or expense reports. Gah and no thanks!

I may not know much about my new career path, but I do know it will be creative, fun, exciting, and dynamic. Pretty much because I am all of those things and bring them wherever I go. And, while journeying one foot in front of the next toward a higher calling and greater work, all I can do is make sure that I carry all those things that make me me conmigo. Wherever I go.

Cocoa G.

New design?

2010-09-23T21:16:00.002-04:00

Pink and green may be a color collabo of yesterday. Not to offend my Alpha Kapp, darlings, but CG has red on the brain. Besides, mama is all grown up. No longer a girl and fo' sho a woman, this scribista is bold, brazen and not too concerned with doing the "cute" thing. So, we'll see.

What's new in your world? I was recently laid off for like the gazillioninth tiempo and, like all other times, am a bit relieved. While I have no idea what the future stores, I know it ain't a gig on Wall Street during one of its worst times since the day I was born. I'm aiming for uber creative and independent. I have the skill and the chutzpah. So, let it be on! 'Tis definitely the time to make my dreams a reality (part deux). And I am excited...as I type away on a new Macbook.... Hope you peeped the "a"...cuz it ain't mine! Uh, can we say "Apple Store, 67th and Broadway?"

Thank God for Apple...and Bill Gates.

Toodles,
Cocoa G.

Never enough

2010-09-20T23:45:00.002-04:00

The title of this post came from my realization that my present is/has never (been) good enough for me. Since my earliest memories, nothing about my life - or my person - has been satisfactory. Nope, I have subjected every thing about me to betterment. My hair (length, fullness & texture). My body and good-to-me-my-whole-life weight. My education. Job. And New York apartment. Nothing has ever been good enough for me. So as my age nears that mid-30s cliff, I have to ask when will I stop the madness?

In my head, I dissed a girlfriend with two year-old clear skin for buying Proactive. I laughed off what I considered (judged?) to be her chasing after the wind. This same six 6 friend with flat abs and a bubble, which topped a set of great gams, also donned a girdle under all her dresses. Is this who've I've become? Been?

I grow one year older in December. Let's hope I reach that point knowing that at least where my hair, figure or job is great...or at least good enough to enjoy in the moment.

CG

No Title

2010-09-17T03:09:00.001-04:00

It’s funny. I was going to blog again, using my job as fodder (because, let’s face it: Wall Street-life is pretty damn funny nowadays), but I changed my mind. Rather, it was changed for me. I was laid off. Two thousand and ten fancy-ease for “fired.”

Now was I really “fired” in that way...you know, “you suck, now bounce?” Nope. Yet, my position was terminated. Wait, so sorry...“eliminated.” So now I am back to this. Blogging. God-awful Blogger, where my URL isn’t even completely my own. It’s okay, however, mama is proud to be home again. Even if she only came back after having her hopes dashed by a “brotha” with a wide grin and deep pockets (i-banking) who wooed then dropped ya girl once she was no longer of use to him. Yup, this is Cocoa Mama. No longer a bright-eyed, bushy tailed, workplace “girl” but still clinging to the classification…and still hella dramatic-o. As you probably see, not much has changed.

So, take a stroll with me. I’m blogging. Sorry, that’s all I can tell you right now because ‘tis all I know. Go with the flow…and flow you’re way back on over here, now. Ya hear?

Cocoa "Girl"

Wow.

2010-02-10T00:52:00.012-05:00

Commuting Fashion Fun!

2009-01-13T09:44:00.003-05:00

What's the purpose of being a Butchy Bertha and donning pink and green fatigue-wear? I mean, she's even rocking the "pretty boy" Timbs with a smooth, chestnut-y leather finish. Does this all disqualify homegirl from being an official lesbian? I mean, Cocoa's a girly girl 4 life and straight as a board. Yet, I (seriously) almost tackled homey for her jacket! It was too cute!

I think the Butches of America (BOA) should find this chick and strip her membership....pronto! Just don't forget about the jacket! You can send to me USPS...lol!

Cocoa

Cocoa, La Conformist?

2009-01-06T13:53:00.005-05:00

It's a sad, sad day in the Cubicle World kiddies. Cocoa Girl is rocking the pearls, again, and it's not a matter of fashion trend, a career strategy, or after hours s*xcretary/boss daddy role playing with the one fine guy on the job. Unfortunately, Cocoa has made a conscious decision to (gasp!) fall...in...line....

Anyone who knows me, or who reads the blog baby on the reg, understands that I am SO not a fan of Little Miss Conformity, nor her aunties Authority Ann and Better Assimilate Brenda. While I am down for teamwork, big paychecks and bonuses, I like to consider myself more of a free agent when it comes to all things work related. The latter feeling (fantasy?) intensified after I lived a dream like existence that included a fat severance check and donning jeans to the temp gig whenever I felt like it. You see, this entertainment industry gig spoiled moi-moi, as its only dress code requirements were chic and on-trend. It was almost as if the HR manual read "Jeans? A joyous occasion...just make sure the wash is right! Leather thigh boots? Love it...leggings will do those puppies just right!"

Now, I'm back on the grind, investment banking-style. Nearly five months into this gig-but-not-really (it's perm!), I have forced myself to accept the fact that eggplant-colored mini dresses and lacy black tights with patent leather stilettos might be a bit too aggressive for this crowd.

So, navy blue, pearls and brown kitten heels are the trend of today. Yesterday, it was tailored all black with a splash of "color"...maroon underneath my little sweater.

Apologies for the snarkiness. I now may have to leave 90 percent of my accessories at home but sarcasm will not be one of them!

Until next time, kids! Stay (workplace-appropriately) fly!

Cocoa G.

Happy New Year, kiddies!

2008-12-29T11:25:00.002-05:00

Yes, it has been an absurdly long time but there isn't a day that Cocoa has forgotten ya.

Your girl has just been working, planning, working, strategizing, working, living, working, and planning some more.

What's in the works? Well, for starters, www.workingwhilecocoa.com is mine! As Miss Cocoa previously mentioned, I'm plotting a new site for this old blog baby. Expect the same 'laugh to keep from crying' humor with a bit of usefulness (and way more pictures!) splashed to and fro.

What else is in the works? The book...the official handbook to Working While Cocoa! So watch out now! While the web site baby will be ready for launch within the next two months, expect the book to be published (yes, I did use the "p" word) by May 2009...just in time for the new grads!

I'm so excited and amazingly blessed. I plan to post more in between, as I am so honored that so many of you continue to encourage, write and check me out here from time to time.

Anything exciting for you going on? Please fill us in...

xoxo,
Cocoa

Obligatory Fun: Holiday Edition

2008-12-15T07:10:00.004-05:00

While many employers in the free world have dumped the office holiday party in light of the current economic crisis, my C.S.S. (corporate slave ship) is plowing full speed ahead! Not only are we celebrating the holiday season this year (ack...I'll get to that soon), but my Wall Street firm is also on a hiring frenzy. Business is good for us. So let me go on record now as saying I am thankful and grateful.

Now... since we all have established that Cocoa is thankful and grateful to be employed, let's also assume that I am not some bitter employee who is jealous because I won't be snagging the walking papers and severance pay this year. You know, the things that actualizing passions, spending massive "me" time, traveling the world, and (ahem!) publishing your first manuscript are made of.... So, anyhow, yes, now that we're all in agreement that this Cocoa ain't bitter to punch the proverbial clock at 9:30a while her friends sleep 'til 11a, allow me to also go on record as saying "I SO do not wish to attend our Firm's holiday party."

Since I have become re-energized and serious about publishing my work, the current j-o-b is really just that for me. A place where I go to do some work and get paid. Why must I be forced to sacrifice my personal time to the obligatory fun gods with people who otherwise wouldn't make the slumber party list?

It may be foul of me, but Cocoa would also like to go on record this morning as saying that I'm happy for her current "cough, cough" thing. While it comes with a sore throat and raspy twang, today's budding sickness might just be the excuse needed to help me haul ass home directly after work tomorrow. No holiday "fun" for me? Bummer!

Cheers *terse smile*

Cocoa

Overheard on the Job

2008-12-12T13:56:00.001-05:00

"I made a bet with my parents and I have to be 99 pounds by January
1st. I went to the doctor today and I'm up to 101!" (exclamation
point not mine!)

Cocoa, SMDH, Girl

Holiday parties at work won't be so bubbly for '08

2008-12-10T23:41:00.003-05:00

Firms scaling back or abstaining
BY KATIE WANG
Star-Ledger Staff

Say au revoir to the top-shelf liquor, the 14-piece band and the tables loaded with freshly carved slices of roast beef, ham and turkey.

Employees attending office holiday parties next month may be lucky to find more than two choices of wine, a DJ and cold cuts to munch.

That is, if there's a party at all.

Office holiday parties, those annual end-of-the-year rituals intended to commend employees for their hard work and boost spirits, are suffering their own morale problems. When times were flush, some companies forked over thousands of dollars to throw lavish affairs that featured roaming magicians, Cirque du Soleil-type entertainers and a Santa Claus. But with the economy spiraling downward, many companies are either scaling back or eliminating parties altogether.

"I'm seeing that in the financial area, all holiday parties are canceled," said Patricia Lindridge-Ingber, owner of Food Company Catering and Special Events in East Hanover. Lindridge-Ingber said her company handled holiday parties for six financial firms, which she would not identify because, she said, employees have not yet learned their parties are off.

The companies that are proceeding with holiday parties are doing so frugally and cautiously. In a year in which the unemployment rate reached a 14-year high and payrolls were trimmed on a near-weekly basis, company executives want to lift spirits in a subdued and appropriate manner.

That means buffet meals instead of sit-down dinners, cotton tablecloths instead of satin and votive candles rather than fancy centerpieces. And that open-bar cocktail hour? That's usually the first thing to go.

"If they just let a substantial amount of people go, they can't celebrate. Only AIG can do that. They know how to party," joked Sheila Kelley, the president of Event Makers Inc. in Mahwah and a board member of the International Special Events Society.

Two weeks ago, Kelley mailed letters to her regular clients, which include Home Depot, Bloomingdale's, NJ Transit and Time Warner, detailing party packages she is offering this season. She said she is still waiting to hear from a dozen of them. Some, such as Time Warner, said it did not look likely they would host a party this year, Kelley said.

"It has been getting progressively worse," Kelley said. "We're all trying to say, 'It's going to be okay.'"

Kelley said some offices are forgoing the larger companywide gathering in favor of smaller, department-size celebrations that are cheaper. But even those festivities are being scaled back or canceled at some companies, including Public Service Electric & Gas.

"Some people had large dinner parties with spouses but are now having lunches with personal staff," said Paul Rosengren, a spokesperson for PSE&G. Rosengren said some departments are canceling their parties, while others are proceeding because they already placed a down payment or want to boost morale.

The effects of the cutbacks cause varying amounts of pain as they trickle down to the catering and events-planning industry. Dennis Telishack, owner of Audience Pleasers of Montclair, said the holidays are when party planners make it or break it for the year. And while business is slower and the economy is grim, he said, he has seen worse. Two of Telishack's clients were Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers.

"The corporations have cut back, but it hasn't been like 9/11 where it fell off the cliff," Telishack said. "During that same time, a lot of event-planning companies just did not survive."

How low can one go?

2008-12-01T20:41:00.003-05:00

I figure that while I'm in the process of tweaking this blog, I can still post seemingly random vent sessions.

Long story short, I am one lie away from regulating on a Sharpies skank-ho in the office.

Approaching year #8 and job #5 into my lifetime of working, I can honestly say that I have YET to punch a clock where someone hasn't been a pathological lying, scheming, trifling mofo! And, honestly, after working less than a decade I can say that I am already tired. I swear that I am also one step off playing da numbas multiple times day. Perhaps Indian man's lotto counter in our building lobby and the OTB (off track betting) spots on 125th will become my new lunch "diners" of choice? Sure, narcotics and alcohol are not the answer to crazy chicks at work but Cocoa has to do something...the Visa, kitty cats or my own head may take a hit at any time!

I dunno...all I know is that a sister has to make some moves! Can someone else please share your own-the-job drama? Maybe it will help me realize that my colleagues aren't really that crazy, immoral, sinister, Godless or unforgivable at all.

Cheers!
*terse smile*
Cocoa4(a job)Change

It's Official...

2008-11-19T07:49:00.003-05:00

Cocoa Girl on the Job is getting a new look...and I'm not referring to design only!

After years of being tapped for suggestions, wisdom and advice (imagine that!) whereas the bain of most folks' existence comes into play, I have been feeling led to make this destination one that is more enriching, applicable and (double gasp) empowering.

With that said, CGOTJ will become all those things and a bag of chips (sorry, for showing my age)! Yet, the humor will ALWAYS be a mainstay...black folks on the job just couldn't survive without it.

Check back often...

Love much,
Cocoalicious

Proper Etiquette for Work...NOV 5th!

2008-11-05T08:11:00.001-05:00

No, Cocoa didn't pen this but fully ENDORSES its laughability factor!

Enjoy!

* * *
IF OBAMA WINS-HERE IS THE PROPER ETIQUETTE FOR THE WORK PLACE:

1. No crying, hugging or shouting ‘Thank you Lord’ at least not in public.

2 No high-fives at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses.

3 No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters

4 No calling in sick on November 5th. They’ll get nervous if too many of us don’t show up.

5 We’re allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing. Just try to keep from grinning too hard.

6. No singing loudly, We’ve come this Far By Faith (it will be acceptable to hum softly)

7. No bringing of barbeque ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom for at least a week (no chittlings at all)

8. No leaving kool-aid packages at the water fountain

9. No Cupid Shuffle during breaks

10. Please no Moving on Up theme music(we are going to try to remain humble)

11.No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you’re in your office with the door closed)

12.Please try not to yell—-BOOOO YAH!

13. Just in case you’re wondering, Doing the Running Man, cabbage patch, or a backhand spring on the highway is 100% okay.

`There's no question about it... In the next 40 years a Negro can achieve the same position that my brother has.' ... [prejudice exists and probably will continue to] ... `But we have tried to make progress and we are making progress. We are not going to accept the status quo.'
-Robert Kennedy, 1968.

Harlem is so beautiful, baby!

2008-11-04T06:55:00.000-05:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Overcoming the United Front @ Work

2008-10-30T07:04:00.003-04:00

So many of us have seen it before.... One person's personal problem with you seems to become an issue for EVERYBODY in the office. Small issues never go away and seem to spread (and grow) like wildfire from manager to manager on the job. A tiff with a peer is seemingly (and unfairly) adopted by all your colleagues. No need to fret, Cocoa is looking to tackle this one for ya and herself...

...BUT asks that you stay tuned. Girly needs time to write:)

Much love, peace and sanity at work today!

XOXO,
Cocoa Girl

Your Purpose is Not a Profession...part deux.

2008-10-28T08:25:00.001-04:00

Whew!

*wipes my brow...mightily*

I'm presently in this wonderful "class" at my worship home covering this wonderfully amazing book that happens to cover topics such as our talents, our dreams, God's tailor-made plans for each of us to change this world, and how to embrace all of the above. In class last week, our pastor stated that a "calling is not a career." On Sunday, he stated "your purpose is not a profession."

As someone who has been rather, um, career obsessed, I struggled a bit to understand what he meant. So, I did what hopefully we all would do when we question, struggle with, or disagree with the validity of a point - especially whereas our spirituality is concerned - I asked for clarification. Below is some of what I found out. I hope it somehow helps you take a little pressure off yourself, too.

xoxo,
Rachel

BTW, if you would like to view this full discussion, which was spawned by a young adult's question about two seemingly unrelated passions that she possesses, for Law and The Arts, befriend FCBC YAM on Facebook and read on!

* * *
[Your calling is not a 'career' - compliments of our youth and young adult pastor]

A calling is something that we all have if we believe that we are created by and are children of God. A calling CAN be understood in terms of passion, career/vocation, life's purpose; but should never be REDUCED to any such term.

It can involve your career, but is more than your career. Our careers can be the vehicles through which our callings are realized. I may have the same calling as a youth social worker who uses spiritual principles, but we have different careers/vocations that naturally manifest our callings. I truly believe that if we follow our callings (and if you don't know what that is...follow your true passions) we will end up in the "career/life work" that is right for us.

The difficulty is that we may not realize [our calling/career/life work] until the end! So we have to learn how to LIVE now!!!

Food for Thought

2008-10-27T07:34:00.005-04:00

"Your purpose is not a profession; your calling isn't a career."

"Pray to God, but hammer away."

Happy Monday,

Cocoa Puff

One Thing...

2008-10-24T07:03:00.005-04:00

...profound that I read this past week.

"Is it possible that you lack the focus that drives you to the path God has created for you to uniquely walk? If you're going to create the life of your dreams, if you're going to discover the life God created you to live, you have to learn how to say no to all the other options. And the tough choices aren't between good and evil, but between all the equally good options out there that are simply not the right paths for you.

You have to allow even beautiful dreams to die when they are not supposed to be
yours.

To make even one dream come to reality, many other dreams have to be sacrificed on the altar of your imagination."

-- Except compliments of Chapter 5 "FOCUS" in Wide Awake by Erwin McManus

Have a lovely weekend, my lovelies:)

Cocoa
PS - expect more of "ONE THING..." from Cocoalicious

Monday Madness

2008-10-20T09:42:00.000-04:00

You see...it's ish like this that can make workabees snap on a Monday.

If you are having a difficult time understanding Cocoa's rage, allow me to explain. I live in NYC, so like millions of other employed folk, I catch the subway to work each day. Although the seats are nice and bright orange with a nice little RAISED tan strip down the middle folks still manage to hog more than portion of chair. Enter Exhibit A.

If you look closely, you will notice that homey's leg is positioned at an angle, versus being pointed straight ahead. Even worse, Mr. Jerk had his legs spread eagle across the extra seat like a damn Pro (if ya catch my drift). I. sat. down. any. way. Would you know that homey then had the nerve to eyeball Cocoa? So, I pushed my leg even further toward the left, enlarging my territory. Yet, it wasn't too long before I relented. I'm not one for touching limbs with strangers!

You may be asking ask 'why didn't she just say 'do you mind?'. Well, I prefer to flash folks 'the look' when I can get away with it...which is never at work! So I gotta get It in when I can!

Have a non-angry Monday kiddies!

Cocoa
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Back on Monday...

2008-10-16T07:45:00.000-04:00

I know...que trife! But Cocoa still loves ya!

:)

"Black' Friday

2008-10-10T10:37:00.001-04:00

Cocoa pulled a seriously negrodian move this morning. Although your girl is AT LEAST 15 minutes late for the job, she opted to take the local (slow) train...all the way to the plantation!

Anyone famil with NYC's rush hour madness knows that the pic above is near a pipe dream....that is, unless you are running late and positively, absolutely don't give a damn. This would be me this a.m. It is not that I do not care, rather I just needed a break from being elbowed in the boob and sullied by other commuters' dirty backpacks that have probably been exposed to more slime, grime and nastiness than Kim Kardashian's sheets.

Since I gave up coffee today's detour will be my morning pick me up. Let's just hope (for rent's sake) that it doesn't become a matter of habit or addiction too!

Cocoa

Aww...

2008-10-09T09:54:00.001-04:00

A cute little treat from our company president! Quiet as kept, Halloween is Cocoa, La Christian's favorite little pagan holiday!

'Yay!' Thursdays

2008-10-09T09:25:00.001-04:00

Maybe it's the sun. Maybe it's the unseasonably warm 70s. Perhaps it's
my canary yellow cardigan or even Ne-Yo. All I know is that 'I just
can't help myself'...I'm in a fantabulous mood...

-Six weeks into the job, Cocoa is still employed...yay!
-I received confirmation that Public Cubenemy #1 is for sure not to be
trusted...and to sho' nuff stay away from that broad...yay!
-I keep waking up at 4a but my energy is high...yay!
-A great agent wants to review my book proposal...yay!
-The iPeezy-pod just hit 'Bad Mamma Jamma'...my theme
song...triple-thousand yay!

Sorry for all the glee...I pray that you have it too!

BTW, I'm still on the job of this blog...just working out some changes.

Much love,
Cocoa

Subway Fun: Throw Your Needles In the Air!

2008-10-01T08:14:00.008-04:00

*waving*

Just a hump day quickie to say that you are not forgotten! The new j-o-b is becoming more and more like the good ole' C.S.S. (Corporate Slave Ship) by the day! Yet, do not fret: Cocoa will be back on the regular soon AND I even thought enough of you to bless your Hump Day with this wonderfully soothing idea for your morning commute:

That's right: knitting is the new morning latte! I mean, if cornrowed, double-iced out, hoodie rocking youth from Harlem are knitting on the C train then you KNOW this 'ish about to be the fire for '09!

You read it here, 1st!

Cocoa, la trend setter

My New J-O-B: The Terrordome?

2008-09-23T11:32:00.003-04:00

It appears that Cocoa's brand new black trench - her first black
trench in probably five years - was pilfered on the job. Un-PC or
not, my first suspect was the cleaning lady who has been trying to
cozy up for the past two weeks. Yet, I cannot even be certain it is
her. In this economy and labor market-not!, it seems like anything can
go. Give it 10 years or so and we'll all be "Mad Max"-ing for
survival!

Perhaps I should just begin detaching from all my worldly things now
and start rocking dirty, tattered and torn cloths with Ugg-like boots
to match? Maybe, just maybe, since I'm already into donning the
"extra" hair, I can even try on one of those Tina Turner wigs for
size?!?

Naw, I think I'd rather mope and go shopping for a new coat at lunch.
Great movie or not, Cocoa cannot recall one cute item of clothing in
that flick...not one.

Cheer(s) up,
Cocoa

4 My Wall St. Thugs & Thugettes

2008-09-19T08:36:00.009-04:00

T.G.I.F. Kiddies!

Have a great weekend and remember to pour out a lil' Pinot for our investment banking homies who ain't (no longer) here...

See ya on Monday!

Cocoa Girl

When Beckies Attack

2008-09-17T00:19:00.001-04:00

It's official, do not trust anybody named Becky, Amanda or Jen ESPECIALLY at work. Never!

Don't get Cocoa wrong - or get it twisted - it's not that I trust anyone on the job. Rather, more or less, I just don't give a damn in varying degrees. For example, brown-girl-me may let Susie Q. know that I'm not a fan of Bob Cobb's antics. Yet, whether Susie stays mum is neither here or there por moi. Once spoken, I detach from my words pretty easily. So it doesn't ruffle my feathers if somebody else wants to try them on for size.

What does irk the brown off me, however, are plain 'ol crazy, get-ahead-by-any-means-even-if-it-only-means-a-promo-to-head-shelf-duster mofos who would sever your throat for a pause-length pat on the back. Enter Becky...whose REAL name actually is Becky, ya know. Coincidental? Cocoa thinks not.

It's only week 5 and this chick has already tried to throw me under the Mack truck. NO exaggeration. Long story short, I recently joined her team to help its members with several market tours. At first, she suspciously held onto all projects but started trying to toss me a few bones once things began slipping through the cracks. Yesterday she delegates to me a new project (which I was supposed to be doing any damn way!) and asks that I send her a draft. I sent it to her. Then, chicky wanted me to stop by her desk for commentary/feedback...on a templated-paragraph, ya'll! Um...I. did. not. go. Heck, I was swamped, too! So, she wrote me back (key mental note) and stated that we could meet in the morning and distribute the draft.

La Manana comes and chica sends me some irate, faux-upset email about how the task was urgent and needed to be handled right away AND accused me of not managing my time effectively...all in writing! She basically tried to paint me a lazy you-know-what who failed to negotiate a deadline. Whether in anger or sheer stupidity, senorita forgot one important fact: her heiferish-behind emailed me - with smileys! -stating that the project was not a rush. Sooo...all I had to do is respond with utter "confusion" and gladly redirect her gaze toward our email chain from the previous day...in its entirety!

Aww, yes...cut and paste is Cocoa's latest BFF, that is, right after my girl 'CC.'

It's kind of sad, though. I cannot for the life of me figure out what made this Becky go bananas! I do not have ANY hopes or desires to get promoted into her spot, nor am I competitive with this chick. *smdh* ya'll...*smdh.*

Cocoa, La Clueless

Obligatory "Fun!"

2008-09-15T10:24:00.006-04:00

*terse smile*

Cocoa's presence was requested (required?) at some big annual
investor's dinner tonight. As you can imagine, ya girl is thrilled.
So much that 72 hours later, I'm still trying to invent a story
compelling and convincing enough to win me a "pass the dry chicken
breast and proceed straight home" card.

Tonight's soiree...not! represents yet another element of The Game
that I was not prepared to play. Again, could somebody please inform the
boss powers that be that Cocoa is in it for the pay, $20 co pay, and
free dental check ups?

God, if you are reading my blog today please don't pay me much mind. I
know that I'm immensely blessed to have this gig. It's just that
spending time with the colleagues after hours has never been my glass
of Pinot.

Cocoa

How is this possible?

2008-09-12T10:14:00.003-04:00

I never thought this would happen. I feel so lost, so uprooted, so
sad, so tortured...

I forgot the Nano at home today! Of course, I only realized this
after I hopped on the local train, which takes an additional 10
minutes to reach the j-o-b. Not to mention the fact that once I get
there, I will not have any white noise to help me ignore the same of
the <I>human</i> variety.

Okay, enough about that...let's move onto some commuting fun! Have
you ever seen a person - okay, let Cocoa keep it real...a woman - get
on the train all frazzled and drop her shyt straight to the ground,
only to start tearing through it like a junkie digging for a rock in a
hay stack? This chick is doing that much as I type. Now, I must admit
that I peeped the unusual clean <i>appearance</i> of this particular
subway car, but still....EWW! What could have been at the bottom of
that bag important enough for honey dip to toss her purse (which by
default touches her body...and probably her bed, table and desk too!)
duffle bag and newspaper on the grimy-A floor subway car floor???

If I snap a photo, you could be the judge. (Note to self: the 'razzi
skills are slacking). Doesn't matter, tho. Chickie was is clearly one
of those always-frazzled types. Her pocketbook has long straps, yet
she is carrying it under its bottom it like an over sized toddler.
Mess is spilling out the top of it and her duffle bag is about to
topple her behind over the stairs.

Okay. My stop is here...let me run. Apparently, I'm very cranky
(critical?) sans my morning music!

Cocoa, la commuter critical

Um, yes...

2008-09-12T01:34:00.004-04:00

...Cocoa Girl IS rocking the Shanghai-hoochie red to the stodgy investment baking job. I'm muy over The Game and the politics of trying to get ahead on the clock, which is why I found myself a tad discouraged by a "Becky's" (real name) attempts to undermine me in the
name of competition.

Granted, I am the Johnetta-come-lately - the newest girl on the job - but I didn't fall off the turnip green truck yesterday. I know Reputation Warfare, (Stellar Work) Credit Fraud, and a
Highest-Praise Hijacking when I see them. Corporate crimes all coming from a hard-up former assistant who is trying to prove herself worthy as a new analyst.

Again, as the rouge mani shows, I'm through with the pursuit of
nothingness at work, so I r-e-f-u-s-e to play this game. Although, Ms
HCIC is urging me to do otherwise.

*sigh*

COCOA

I [heart] the only other Cocoa on my job...imagine that!

2008-09-04T00:05:00.004-04:00

Week 3 and the H.C.I.C. (Head Cocoa In Charge) has FINALLY returned to the office. Not quite sure why I exclaimed 'finally,' as we do not even work together. Now, before you go stamping me a 'stalker,' understand: we may not work directly together BUT we do work on the same, small team. Got it? Good, because Cocoa does many things on the job but Single Black Female'ing isn't one of them.

After several years of toiling away alongside many zany (ghetto?), opportunistic (Oreo?) Cocoas, I can say that I wholeheartedly love this one...just fine! She is confident, secure, insanely smart, well-coiffed, (hate to use this word) polished, and 100% authentic Cocoa. There isn't a drop of artificial flavoring in her mix.

As a matter of fact, Cocoarella likes her so much that I walked her to the corner ...and to the next corner two blocks down to help her (gasp!) hail a cab. Again, I just think she is a doll. A true rags to riches success story, spliced with a rough child hood, bouts of cancer, an untimely divorce, grassroots voter registration tactics (staged in the South), a new curly fro (in Finance!), and Chanel, LVMH, Fendi and everybody else to make the production truly global...and fierce! LOL.

"If you ever need anything or anyone is bothering, you can always call me," she says. Right after she explains to me that she is 'technically' consulting for the firm now. "So, with this new schedule, often times, I'm not even working from home," she finishes.

Damn she be paid...she got it made!

Cocoa Ed

Some nuggets for the soul on this Hump day...

2008-09-03T07:46:00.004-04:00

No, I'm not giving away free Mickey D's coupons, brown people! Cocoa is pushing spiritual food this morning.

Happy Hump Day!

"God sees every one of us; He creates every soul...for a purpose."
-- John Henry Newman

"Leave results to God."
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."

"Your calling isn't about you. It's about God's need."
-- Pastor Michael A. Walrond, Jr.

Believe it and just do it.

Cocoa

R.I.P. Bernie, a true dream chaser

2008-08-09T12:19:00.008-04:00

Surely by now we've all heard the news that our irreverent, beloved and one-of-a-kind Bernie Mac has died. Below is a short bit from The Chicago Tribune's final tribute to its native son.

His story, which can be found in greater detail via http://www.chicagotribune.com/ is hella inspiring.

Bernie chased his career dream from 10 years old. Although it took him 20 + years to taste a piece of that Mainstream pie, he never gave up. He didn't drop his craft to keep driving the Wonder Bread druck in hopes of "making" head driver or manager. He also didn't kick it to the curb in exchange for a GED, BA or MBA, as these distintions could have easily made him more acceptable to others. He didn't even stop his art to obtain his Series 7 license on the job to obtain a 5-figure bonus and all the material and shallow trapings that come with it (so, I'm telling on myself now). For more than 20 years, Bernie stuck with his craft and made his dreams a reality.
If that's not heart, then I don't know what is. God bless you, Bernie.

* * *
Excerpt from the Chicago Tribune

"Before his 10th birthday, Mac was performing comedy standup, honing his skills on CTA trains and parks before graduating to well-known haunts like the Regal Theater and the Cotton Club. He came to a realization during those first years as a struggling comic: If he could kill in front of a black crowd, he could kill in any crowd.

"Black audiences are hard," he told the New York Times in 2002. "You got to come with a little extra to satisfy them."

He also learned that comedy isn't a lucrative business when you are starting out. During those lean years in the '80s, Mac drove a Wonder Bread delivery truck to pay the bills.

Life changed dramatically for Mac when he was 32. He won the Miller Lite comedy search that year and that performance took him to the standup stage, which ultimately led to regular performances on popular shows like HBO's "Def Comedy Jam."

In a few short years, he was able to put a stamp on this tell-it-like-it-is brand of comedy that audiences had come to know him for. He was a hit on the stage, delivering sordid tales of his early life growing up on Chicago's South Side.

His work hit home to the African American audience -- his aggressive, brash comedy had a down home feel to it, tackling everything from family life to black romantic relationships -- yet Mac was able to cross it over, connecting with a majority entertainment scene.

"When I started in comedy in the clubs in 1977, blacks couldn't do certain clubs -- not because they were segregated. They just didn't want to put the [black comics] out there. In Los Angeles, the clubs would have a black night. People would say, 'Why don't you come by and do something?' I would say, 'I'm a comedian -- don't put a title on me.' Don't limit yourself. How you start is how you finish," he told the Tribune in 2007. "If you let people put tags on you, you'll never be able to remove them. You've got to make people respect you. Respect is bigger than dollars and cents."

***

Thanks for the Inspiration, Kanye!

2008-08-07T00:18:00.013-04:00

First things first, kiddies: THANKS SO MUCH for the love! I've been slipping on the blog tip for a solid year now, and yet I still receive requests to get back on the job! Thanks for letting Cocoalicious know that she is still very much loved.

Truth be told, there isn't a day that I don't think about my blog baby, or writing for that matter. I have a fierce, first-of-its-kind manuscript, emails from agents and editors, and my own Spirit reminding me - daily - what God put me on this earth to do. Anyone who is a writer (being "published" means nada, so I don't bother to add "aspiring") will tell you that we're forced to glean inspiration from whatever source possible... awful reality programming, stupid comments on the #2 train, Auntie Opie and other news sources, or even catty, crazy or drug-addicted colleagues (ahem...yours truly). Yet, my latest dose of "move b!tch, get out your way" came by way of a recovering self-asborbed rapper who used to make the eyes roll streamlessly: Kanye "I'm the best!" West. The stage? The Glow In The Dark tour at Madison Square Garden.

My girl called him a theatrical genius. I kind of agree. While I have always loved Kanye's music and about 50 percent of his style (some shit just needs to be left in the 80s) , his passion is what killed me last night. It transfixed me, knocked me upside the head, bound my gaze and me captive for the rest of the show. Sure, K's a passionate entertainer. Yet I became his new #1 (billionth) fan as I stood there meditating on how he named, laid and claimed his life's dream, a la "I'ma get on MTV, mama. I'ma, I'ma put shit dooo-wn..." Not to mention the fact that the energy in MSG was THICK. It was like Kanye threw a self-congratulatory party and invited everyone to pop a bottle and celebrate...with and on him! Matter of fact, unintentional or not, that's exactly what Glow In the Dark felt like: one ordinary, ambitious, average-height dude's quest to capture his dreams. Everyone present bought into it, including me. It were as if I had been routing for K. this whole time. Like he were my favorite co-worker who I wanted to make "manager," or an abnormally old intern busting his ass to land a paid gig so that him and his son could get off the streets. We cheered him on and so he won, and so we cheered him on some more!

Dramatic of me, you say? Per usual I confess. Yet, you get my point. Kanye's show was on fire and, because of it all, I'm all the more inspired.

Convention is for the birds. So, thanks to Kanye and his incredibly ghastly MadMax concert get-up, I'll gladly declare - at for least today - that I'm not that fly. Now let me pray for the sake of my gift that I keep things grounded. Oh, and don't forget to intercede for our boy KWeezy, too.

God bless,
Cocoa Girl

I'se a trying!

2008-07-29T20:04:00.003-04:00

I'm trying to make my way back to you, babes. Really.

Life is just, um, kind of busy. And it is a smidge hard to write about work when you are not (um, again) holding down a nine to five. I mean, I'm currently freelancing for self but chronicling the pursuits of my day is nowhere near as fun as sharing the craziness that can ensue by way of colleagues, bosses and schizo temp workers. An excuse, yes. But true? Double yes.

Sooo...let's make a deal. As soon as I either 1). snag another gig with officekind or 2). decide I am ready to poke fun at myself, I'll be back with a little sumthin sumthin for ya.

Until then, peace, love and manuscripts!

XOXO,
[bland?] cocoa girl

Okay, so call me Pinnocchio-esha...

2008-04-14T23:50:00.003-04:00

...or Pinnochio-tay, or some other ethnic variation of the little lying white boy. I am not back yet...but I still love ya!

When I'm done with being done I'll be back. I know: doesn't make much sense to me either!

God bless,
Cocoacita

Time to move on

2008-03-10T11:13:00.007-04:00

At the risk of glamorizing a stereotype, I must be honest....

"Indolent" is Monday's word of the day and, therefore, from this current temp job I must go.

Call me lazy, but working a temp assignment that actually requires me to do, well, um, work slightly defeats my current purpose. The whole point of my present temporary streak is to avoid the stress and the mental/emotional chains secondary to owning an employee ID number.

More problematic por moi is how this assignment has morphed into a total odd-ends/Girl Friday/Kizzy Shalom, the little Hebrew slave girl nightmare. Late afternoon runs for photocopies, new tubes of *interesting* Chanel lipcolors and Cold Eaze are killing my writing time.

What will life be like where I end up? Only God knows. But a girl's gotta (pray) and do what a girl's gotta do.

Cocoa "Already missing the casual dress code and 9:30a start time" Girl

Temporarily Annoyed

2008-03-04T10:25:00.009-05:00

My faux coworkers have me quite agitated today. One is sickly, which is not bothersome in and of itself. Yet the way she keeps spreading negativity into our partially sunny, unseasonably warm, 60-plus degrees in early March existence is enough to make Cocoa cut her with my eyes. Her illness does not require all that gloom and doom. I am sickly and awaiting my physical healing as well, but damn. Give us a break, please. She said she sees no hope. I replied things will get better to which girly actually copped an attitude with me. I'll be damned if I try that again. Perhaps next time she says it is all over, I will quip "Yeah, you probably should start doing all those things you always wanted to do in life but never got the chance to do...PRONTO!!!!"

Next up: Little Miss STBF... who, by the way, actually deserves to be fired. I previously discounted her boss, Anna Wintour-not!, as cruel and conniving for attempting to replace her vacationing assistant with temporary-worker me. Weeks later, I still do not want the job; however, it appears that her current assistant does not want it either. She never completes tasks when requested and/or required (thanks Facebook & MySpace). AWN (high, high, high-ranking executive) has to hound her for updates, which girly never has in tow. She fails to handle the most-simple tasks on a daily basis. It boggles the mind that sweetie is still employed....to the tune of about $80K/year, mind you.

I guess (private) education really does pay.

Is it really only Tuesday,
Cocoa Girl

Gotta be a C4UC Classic!

2008-02-29T12:01:00.003-05:00

Cocoa has been on the verge of tears since arriving to work this morning, for two very different reasons. One is a better suited for the other blog, while the second reason has can’t be real/gotta be a script written all over….

The Scene: The “Industry” (Entertainmentland for the unassuming)
Characters: High-maintenance, high-level female executive; her assistant and her assistant’s assistant (Moi-Moi!)
Act 1: HMHLFE is “accidentally” running late for a meeting on her floor with fellow Industry bigwigs who stood her up the previous week.

HMHLFE leaves her office & approaches the HA’s desk; HAA (me-me!) looks on…

(Dropping her Grande Skinny Latte on the desk, an EMPTY-HANDED Bosslady chimes)
“HA –Will you follow me in the conference room with this…please?”

(HA, on the verge of WTF???) “Um, sure…no problem…?”

HMHLFE leads the way toward the glass walls & door enclosed conference room. A confused HA kung-fu grips the Starbucks like the Holy Grail and trails closely behind.

Upon reaching the glass-walled conference room brimming with Industry bigwigs, HMHLFE enters and lets the door (also glass a.k.a. see-through!) slam in HA’s face.

A confused (facially bruised?) HA struggles to let herself in the door and stumbles inside embarassed. Scurrying toward her big shot, she drops the cup and runs back to her desk – still confused as to what transpired.

Only in the Cubicle World, kids. Only in the Cubicle World.

TGTT (Thank God This is Temporary!)
Cocoa

Empathy: Need Not Apply

2008-02-26T10:04:00.007-05:00

While I have much sympathy for little Miss STBF, empathy, which requires a good amount of identification, is something that Cocoa clearly cannot afford to offer homegirl.

Looming termination, dissatisfactory job performance and new resumes confidentially (hand) delivered to Bosslady abound, and girly still has enough trust (naivete?) and confidence (money) to buy a $3,000 camera.

No, she is not a freelance photographer. She does dream of becoming one (try again). And, no, she is not enrolled in a photography class, visually chronicling the last days of her dying grandmother. She simply takes pictures as a h...o...b...b...y.

Wish I could reckon my need for a steady income to a matter of frolic.

Cocoalicious,
Haterade...so nutritious!

'Denial' ain't just...

2008-02-20T10:29:00.011-05:00

... a river in Egypt. -- Mark Twain

At what point does granting complete trust become a case for naivete (denial?) and withholding it in full constitute paranoia or fear? The latter represents a delicate balance, sort of like a tight rope walk, I have never been able to negotiate, particularly while on the job and faced with the threat of losing it.

I have left (euphemism of the day) a few jobs in my career and none of the departures have been on good terms. The beginning of the end in every situation usually started with a minor setback - a missed deadline, a tiff, hurt feelings (on my or another's part), etc. The minor became major with the slight mushrooming into a slap. In the end, my strong performances, wit and charm were not enough to undo the damage wrought by fear and mistrust, which bred paranoia. No wonder they say fear is of the devil.

This all brings me to my current faux-employer, The Temp Gig. I started a few weeks ago on what was supposed to be a seven-day assignment. Nearly 30 days later, I am still here and marveling at the faith & loyalty of the permanent (for not too much longer?) assistant. Midway through week #2, I caught wind that her girly's stay on the job would be short lived. Apparently, I very much so tickeled Boss Lady's fancy while her assistant was out frolicking in the waves of Ipanema. For days, I hemmed and hawed, hawed and hemmed about whether to/how to/when to, break the news to homegirl. After a repeat reminder "stay in my lane," I decided against blowing the whistle. Instead, I committed myself to prayer - for her and her fed up Boss Lady - and resolved to be truthful if ever questioned about the situation.

Nearly an two hours after my second prayer for the two of them in two weeks, the STBF (soon-to-be-fired) asked me if I had any reason to think she would be let go.

*Me: blank stare*

She fine-tuned her approach: had I heard anything about her losing her job?

*Me: head tilt, both eyes up and to the right, sigh that questioned, "Well....what do you mean?"

Within a few short minutes, girly was up to speed. Yet, her response to it all has me spellbound to this moment.

After carefully considering the situation for a day or two, The STBF decided to stay. She confronted her boss about the "confidential" delivery from Human Resources which contained a resume for her position. Boss Lady alleged that she isn't looking to replace her but is looking to supplement her contribution with another executive assistant. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. That realtor you met last week with the slick-backed hair, skinny tie and crocodile cowboy boots might be telling the truth about the dirt cheap desert property in Alaska. But seriously, in The STBF's own words:

"You know what, I was a little frazzled when I left for vacation. She was really upset that she was being left alone with a temp worker who she had never met. So, she probably just got really mad, jumped the gun and told HR to find her a new employee. I am sure is calming down now that I'm back and everything will be fine. She told me that she is not looking to replace, so I'll go ahead and believe her. I mean, why would she go through all of this just to cover up a lie? If she does fire me, oh well, I'll get another job."
The level of trust that girly has placed in another - whether her boss or God - has blown my mind. It also has drawn me to question the trust that I have failed to place in others...God included.

Stupid or just trusting, I don't know....

Cocoa

The 'Golden Rule' @ work?

2008-02-19T12:06:00.005-05:00

I was greeted at the office this morning by a few things unexpected. One of which stuck out greatly and caused me to question whether my intervention would serve to help or humiliate the person involved.

The situation at hand involved a woman's coif...particularly a Cocoa girl's coif. Not that our colleagues of other persuasions do not (over?) value the state of their hair-do, too. I understand and want to acknowledge that "hair" is a touchy topic for all ladies brown. Anyhow, girly stepped in from her morning coffee run with a cow lick so high that it surely was tickling Jesus' toes. I contemplated telling her, but then decided against it. Fifteen percent of my decision to remain mute was because I did not want to humiliate her. The other 85 percent? I was due to hook a sharp right into the pantry for my first cup of joe. An unexpected detour could have proven catastrophic for everyone.

Forgive me, but I am kind of attached to caffeine.

Cocoa Girl

Still on the job...

2008-02-14T12:22:00.004-05:00

As Cocoa reported last week, I learned by way of a not-so-bright human resources lackee by way of a tough manager who (clearly) doesn't give a damn that my temporary boss-heavyweight is looking to lighten her load. The resolution or - depending on your outlook - problem is Boss Lady's current assistant. Let's cal her Pinkslip Patty.

After a short seven months in relationship with Patty, BL has decided that she is ready to try something new. Now, while Cocoa does qualify according to that Sanaa/Simon Baker standard, it's not even really that deep. BL just wants an upgrade and her current girl has got to go. So what's this unemployed chick's problem? One, I am not interested. Two, I am not interested. Three, I really like Patty, which explains why I ~~my big mouth has~~ have felt so trapped the past week. Oh, and the fact that Mistress BL still has yet to fire the girl! Goodness grief, people. The past week of my work life has been like that Sean Penn/death row flick “Dead Man Walking," I mean, sans the dark prison cells, soul-saving nun, and seriously disturbing subject matter. At least, it was until yesterday...

"Cocoa, can I ask you something...and you totally don't have to say anything if you don't feel comfortable," PP said.

"Sure, what's up," asked I, knowing full well what's up.

"Have you heard anything a-b-o-u-t...m...e.....?"

I will not go on to bore you with the ins and outs of this inquisition. Just know that our dearest Patty has been warned. And, not because of my big mouth! I am Christian, when asked a question I shall not lie.

Cocoa

Shh!

2008-02-13T10:05:00.007-05:00

If Cocoa had to assign a word to describe my life right now it would be 'mum.' Not as in mother, although I do count "The Girls" as my actual children. More so 'mum' as in hush!

I'm rather low-key nowadays. Probably not news to you. After all, some of us are not into promoting every aspect of our lives via an online journal. Yet this graf's opening statement is a significant thing for moi-moi for a few reasons. I used to promote myself and clients on a daily basis. Let's not even go there about how I created (and grew) a popular blog to service thousands of readers each month.

See...even in trying to tell you how low-key is my new black, I still managed to promote me...me...me.

Faux self-badgering aside, I really am on the "low" right now. Girly is not flute-tilting like yesteryear, nor have I bothered to let anyone in blog land know that flavor is back on the scene. I like this whole blogging for myself thing. Feels good to air my opinion sans an audience. As an only child, I have never really known what it is like to do stuff without somebody fawning over your every move. So, I think I'll let this incognegro thing ride out for now...or at least this week.

Cocoalicious

Not working = not cute?

2008-02-12T12:36:00.000-05:00

Isn't there a Bond flick entitled "Tomorrow Never Ends" or “Tomorrow Never Dies” or something of the nature? While I cannot remember if such a movie exists, Cocoa does know that a similar expression kept playing over and over in my head this morning:

“Vanity Never Dies”
The urban diva’s quest to save the world from crime, social injustices and unfortunate fashion faux-paus of a City facing doom...all in the name of looking good, of course…

If Cocoa ever were able to produce such a flick, she would have it take place in a grimy, dismal, not-so chic, -trendy, or -cute locale...much like the New York City Labor Division’s Unemployment Office on 125th St. between 7th and 8th avenues! In the opening scene, the heroine - a highly-attractive, young, fashionable, recently-unemployed chick - would awake from a deep sleep to find herself sandwiched between other recently unemployed’s who have long forgone punching a clock, taming the coif, and applying a dab of blush!

Her first major decision as Sexykind's superhero? Risking the ridicule and (not-so figurative) dirty glares of clones to apply Studio Fix, mascara and lip gloss in a crowded waiting room!

Can she do it? Should she do it (did I do it)?

Hell yeah. Cocoa will be damned if she is unemployed and unattractive. No use in adding to the plight of the unemployed! Life is already tough enough as it is…

Cocoa

TGYE, kiddies!

2008-02-08T16:09:00.001-05:00

Day - what? - 13 on the temp job scene and things are getting, um, pretty interesting.

The real assistant is still out sick. Day 3, ya'll. But Cocoa's still not hating. I opened honey's email to find this ish again:

If you are still under the weather please don't come in. -- Boss Lady

Those eleven words wouldn't mean much to if I were not minorly (yes, I made up a word) jealous. I'm on her job. She is on her sofa. Me? SOHO office building watching the shine down on NYC. Her? SOHO side street sipping a latte, and (you guessed it) watching the sun stream down on NYC.

For all of my aspiring laziness and "kept lady" ambitions, I am actually not too green on girly. As I found out, by way of the temp agency by way of the company HR, by way of AWN! (Anna Wintour, NOT!, ya'll), her days are numbered...her days are numbered....the chicken's coming home to roost...her a$$ is grass. So, you've got the point, right?

Want it agressively plain? Homegirl is getting fired on Monday and does not have a clue!

With that I'll say:

TGYE aka "Thank God You're Employed"

I think.

Cocoa Girl

The stuff that sick days are made of...

2008-02-07T14:36:00.002-05:00

It's Day 11 on the temp job scene and things are actually...okay. The regular assistant to Boss Lady Wintour is back from vacation and (get this) at home sick. I'll refrain from being a "b" about it all, however, because homegirl actually does sound ill. I guess I would/could be a little woozy, too, if I had just returned from a third-world country where I had been parasailing, drinking, dancing, drinking some more, and doing whatever kind of things that aspiring entertainment industry assistants who live in artsy neighborhoods and graduated from private school do when on vacay and far from the throes of a demanding bosslady for the very first time.

All this is to say, Cocoa thinks honey dip's illness is Grade A. So, there! I am not ranting. Well…actually, let CG refrain: I was not going to rant UNTIL I logged onto honey's computer this morning to find this:

Subject (line): "If you are sick, please stay home."

Hi Minion: I just wanted to reinforce that you stay home if you're not 100 percent. I feel on the verge of getting sick and really want to avoid coming down with something." -- Boss Lady

Yes, Cocoa is pissed and really she feels the same way as you: this crap is SO UNFAIR! Do you know how long Cocoa has worked, slaved and photocopy-whored herself on the job to earn this kind of boss? The kind who commands "stay home; get better" and actually means it! No passive-aggressive, you-betta-produce-a-dislodged-cancerous-lung-before-you-leave-this-place, type who will poke voodoo doll replicas of you’re a$$ until you get back to work.

Oh well...I'm young and still running through bosses like Marion Jones dodging a charge. So, maybe next time.

Cocoa

'temping' ain't easy...

2008-02-01T11:03:00.001-05:00

at least, not all of the time!

There was this blogger I used to follow on the regular by the name of "Temp Whore" who clearly was chronicling the story of Cocoa's current life as a temporary worker without knowing it.

Like me, TW loved the freedom that temp work offers. No chains, shackles or b*tch slaps here because, as a non-permanent employee, you are free to walk away from the insanity of the C.S.S. ("corporate slave ship" for the newbies) at any given time. Yet, the benifits do not stop on the Amistad/"give us free" tip! Not only can you bounce if not feeling the scene, but you are no longer hostage to all that cult activity that threatens to damper your Monday-Friday existence. Botox-necessitating (faux) smiles? Gone! The Happy Hour Hostage/Help! situation? You can't do me nada! OT everyday a.k.a. "time and a half?" Yes, yes, ya'll! The positives of temp work are endless. So what is Cocoa's beef? Glad you asked...

I am currently on assignment with this "Industry" exec who rivals Ms. Wintour. If it weren't for the facts that she remembers my name and tosses a "thank you" on the end of every request, I'd be shopping around my newest manuscript: "The Devil Wears Tori Burch." Every day it's:

"Cocooooa...let's call so-in-so", which actually entails yours truly dialing and telling her when to pick up!
"Cocoooa...did we receive an email from such-in-such?" Mind you, "we" have separate email addresses!
"Cocooooa...can you take this tea bag and make me some tea and bring it to me in the conference room (across the office) with an extra cup so I can discard the tea bag into it???"

Me lying? Don't count on it.

Stay tuned and happy Friday!
CG, your humble (temp) servant

If my life were a book...

2006-10-19T06:27:00.000-04:00

Friends of Cocoa (F.O.C.) have commented many times that I should have my own show. I've had other folks tell me that they could see me with my own column. A former classmate even brainstormed a name for my (future?) column in The New York Times called "Tell It Like It Is." Funny enough, I actually enjoy the thought of sharing my thoughts via my own show or book. I - like zillions of other Americans - believe that my life has been SOOO interesting and should be the topic for the whole world to read – especially considering past several years of my life as spent in the “City.”

So, if Cocoa Girl were to write a few books on my crazy a$$ life in NYC, what would I call it…

"How to Lose Your Job in 365 or less - Guaranteed!"

"On Starving and Style: The Complete Narcissist's Guide to Looking Good on a Lemonade Diet"

"Sip That Juice and Cut It Lose! Lose 7 lbs in 7 days, PLUS Your Sweet Tooth and Meat Cravings"

"How to Survive a Ghetto Apartment: Volumes I - 455!"

"Has Anyone Seen the "I" Train? Tricks of the Trade for Avoiding Eye Contact on the Subway"

"Whoop That Boss, Get 'em! The Savvy Person's Guide to Conquering a Stupid Manager"

"Document AIN'T a Noun! 100 Tips for Covering Your A$$ On the Job"

"On Dating the Deranged: Accepting Your Role as an Equal Opportunity Dater in NYC"

How about you and yours? What would you name the story(ies) of your life?

Be Blessed,

Cocoa Girl
P.S.
Sorry for the long break from posting, things on the job have been pretty serious the past week. So, Cocoa has been handling her business! BTW, I will be OOO tomorrow cuz I'll be in Boston for a lil' gathering:)

Performance Anxiety

2006-10-11T00:17:00.000-04:00

Tuesday has come and gone and still no word of annual performance reviews. Not for sure what's going on, but whatever it is it surely doesn't smell too flowery (yes, Cocoa understands that the word is 'floral'!).

I suspect the Firm PTB are plotting to get rid of somebody. Who? Who knows...could be the renegade assistant or me (the other renegade assistant). Either way, I am sure the post-verbal-bitch-slap buzz will be well worth the wait.

Kind of on-topic... I just finished scanning an article that says a firing could be the best thing to happen to a person. I agree, especially if said person has been putting off a great pursuit thanks to fear. Quiet as kept, Cocoa has actually hoped a firing on a person or two. Let's face it: some folks just need a little extra help getting the party started.

I know exactly what I would do if a pink slip met me in the grill tomorrow. Please don't ask why. I guess some folks are just a bit better at some things than others. My speciality happens to be rebounding from being quired (quit or fired...who knows!) and such.

Question: If you were fired tomorrow, what would be your three-month game plan?

Mine? I'd study my arse off for my upcoming entrance exam, while temping in an easy ass gig that would afford me plenty of study time. Matter of fact, I might even leave the City for three months and sublet my place at a hiked rate for extra cash flow. Around one month before my exam, I'd start looking for some longer-term easy opportunities to hold me over until the first day of classes. Then, the work world would be history for a few years.

Your turn...

Cocoa Girl

You had questions, Cocoa's got answers!

2006-09-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

i like liquor and tv said...
What's your favorite food? Pretty much anything spicy, Thai or Indian.

Have you ever beat anyone up?
Katina Jackson in the girl’s locker room senior year. I was co-captain of the cheerleading squad and she was a member. Needless to say, I got kicked off the squad after I kicked her azz in front of about 20 spectators. We started in the locker room and moved it into the gym during the guys’ basketball practice (a strategic move by Cocoa, so Miss Jackson’s beat down would be put on serious blast!)

Did you used to like Oaktown 3-5-7? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…
Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah!

Anonymous 12:16pm said... You seem to hang out with a lot of snobby people....are you one of "those" black people... You know, you think you're better than the rest of us?
Cocoa is the same kind of black as you, baby. However, to answer you q, I am one of those black people. I am also one of those black folks who won't hesitate to cold tell you off if you cut off my moms AND one of those who will shoot a man the look of death should he fail to hold a door open for me or any other lady or elderly in my party.

Take from it what you like...

Harlem Songstress said... Have you ever stolen anything? If you answered yes-what was it, and how did u do it?!
Question not precise enough, so I get to say NO.

Thanks for playing!

Anonymous said...
Do you have any regrets in life? And if so, what are your biggest?
I regret that I did not attend Brown, although I was offered a “full ride” by the athletic department (offered to comp me based on my academics).

I regret not having a relationship with the sperm donor. Early experiences with the opposite sex set the stage for a looong time to come. I am still trying to get over some serious stuff. Brothers, please take this one seriously.

1969 said...
Cocoa...are you dating anyone at the moment? Yeah, I'm nosy!
No, she is not (*sobbing uncontrollably*). For real, I am actually on dating hiatus, which can last anywhere from two weeks to two years. All dependent upon how nutty/psychotic/far from normal the last guy was.

Do you plan on staying in NY for much longer or is Philly reaching out to you? :)
God is in control, but I just don’t know how much longer NYC is gonna be my place of residence. I have this strong urge for normalcy on the brain and it keeps saying stuff like North Carolina… and Philadelphia… I think I romanticize the two places, because they represent a life settled to a Minnesota girl currently living in Harlem.

Must have item for Fall? Solid direction. A book deal. Peace with God and my moms. Oh, a banging pair of purple or plum suede stilettos would seal the deal, too!

Harlem Songstress said...
What do you feel are your struggles when it comes to "living your religion"?
My biggest struggle is potentially having to give up on desires that I have always dreamed of. I say “potentially,” because there is a very strong chance that what I want might be outside of God’s will for me. In a nutshell, if I am truly “living my religion” then I should 1) believe He has a plan for me and 2) pray to know it AND accept it over my own plans. Right?

JaySpice said...
I'm new to the site. What did you have surgery for?
Welcome JaySpice (love that name!). I had a myomectomy, which is a common surgery especially for African American women.

meltron3000 said...
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Some type of living thing is there to hear it, so yes. Hell, even roaches run upon hearing noises…um, so I hear… :D

What does blue smell like?
Like the color red…

If Mr Smith's peacock lays an egg in Mr Jones' yard, who owns the egg?
Was the peacock breaking and entering?

Is noon AM or PM?
Depends on midnight’s status, mane!

Knockout Zed said...
I can't ask. Or better yet, I won't ask. I'd rather be shown.
I swear up and down that my imagination is vivid. Yet, I KNOW that it is not vivid enough for this …

Pam said...
I really enjoy your blog. Your tone comes thru in your writing and puts me in such a better mood. (Thanks Pam – glad to be of service!)

How long do you plan to keep writing in this forum?
I love communicating with people, so I would like to maintain this platform for as long as I can! Depending on where life takes me, I may or may not have time to keep it up.

My youngest sister seems alot like you, adventurous, loves challenges and very precise (read Anal retentive) all of which characteristics I envy. When do you plan to become your bosses boss? (smile)
You know, as much as I complain about working for others, I do not fantasize about one day running my own shit. True, I do not like reporting into petties, crazies or morons, but lawd knows that I sure as hell do not want to manage the mofos either!

If Cocoa can’t beat ‘em, then don’t let me manage ‘em!

I am too exact to allow someone else to work under me. There are few folks who can pick up on and emulate my insanity. All of my direct supervisors have been hella anal retentive, almost psychotic. I am too.

And finally, what will settle you down?
A fine ass man who is spiritual, ambitious and is crazy about me who asks to be my husband and desires a strong family unit with no less than three kids, a few animals, and a place called home.

A cocoa girl can dream, right?

Single Ma said...
When are you coming thru DC so I can meet Ms Cocoa Fabulous?
Hopefully before the end of year!

When are you dropping that novel?
Good question. I have a few more leads to exhaust with publishing houses and agents. If they don’t go anywhere, then I may need to look to self publishing. BTW, thanks for the forwardJ

I apologize if I'm making assumptions, but why Ms Cocoa aint got no man?
Because I have not been looking – seriously. I am not at all trying to sound self-righteous, but I do not really put the effort into meeting men that I should.

I know that I am approaching 30 with strong desires of marrying and building a family (in that order!), but I definitely feel as though I do not put in the effort that I should to go out and meet the opp sex. Got any ideas…please share!

Have you ever tried "Something New?" *wink*
I have…once. He was very nice looking, obtaining his M.B.A., living on the UWS and all that. Yet, something was a little off.

Long story short, Cocoa was able to determine (rather quickly) that dude was a negraphile, meaning that he only dated black women. No white; no Indian; no Latina…nothing but black. Still, I was willing to give him a chance, until he felt comfortable enough to comment (during date #1) on how black men “always seem to date white women below their level/that white men do not want,” while white men only grab the crème de la crème of the black stock.

Has Cocoa made this same comment before? Hell yeah, but I am black! There was just something off about his level of comfort and the fact that his comment seemed a bit much rooted in spite.

Did you "really" return that skirt and those shoes? ;-)
I did! Yesterday!!! I’se now $259 less broke!

Are you a bougie ghetto girl in denial? Ha!
Unfortunately, not. I am just bourgie. I only did “ghetto” up until about 9 years of age and that was only because my b.f.f.’s happened to be the five “BeBe” kids next door. When they moved (their 21-year-old mother Mildred died of a crack overdose), my dealings with the ghettois was over. Actually, it may have started when their mammy broke into our apartment while we were away on vacation! They robbed my mom and I blind! Even somehow managed to remove a big floor model TV from the crib!

Crackheads are a determined bunch! A friend of a friend commented that they are the biggest source of untapped labor in the United States, because they will do anything – including work any job – to get their next hit.

Okay…serious digression.

If you had one wish that was guaranteed to come true within the next 24 hours, what would it be?
I cannot even answer this one…not if I only have one wish.

How much those nukkas makin on the trading floor?
Depends. First-year analysts (straight outta college) pull down a $55-$70K base and can earn just as much come year end via a bonus. So, a top salary for first-years is about $120,000 or so.

Associates who come directly from B-school start with a base of about $110K, which varies according to their product group. Their bonuses are less easy to predict…could be anywhere from $9k to $129k to $150k…

Anon @ 8:34 said…
Do you have a weave? Do you shake it like a Polaroid picture?
Funny that you should ask. I actually plan on getting one right before I head back to work in a few weeks (not that Cocoa is trying to deceive her unknowing colleagues or anything like soJ

T.Cas said…
Are you doing some writing while you are recovering?
Yes and no. I am trying to get back on the blog. HOWEVER, I was looking over my manuscript notes the other day and do plan on tweaking some more chapters before I go back into the trenches!

Do you see yourself as the "settling down" type? You know husband and 2.5 kids?
I actually have never seen myself in any other way, shape or form. I did not grow up with the intact family (mom, dad, etc.), so a strong family unit has always been a goal of mine.

What is the wackest pick up line anyone has used on you?
Dayum…there are SO many…

“Gul…you thick as SHIT!”
“Hey, mami…I can see your p*ssy through your pants,” followed by a kissing sound (I just cringed again and this one happened years ago).

Just a hazard of living in NYC!

What is the best pick up line anyone has used on you?
Sadly enough, but he was not black. This something-new stepped to me in the campus Laundromat and told me I was beautiful. Asked if he could take me to lunch. Just a simple compliment and a simple line.

Cocoa Girl

On nearing 30 and losing flava...

2006-09-08T12:00:00.001-04:00

Is it possible for several ‘selves’ to occupy equal space, footing and influence within the one mind, body and soul? I think psychologists call it schizophrenia, but Cocoa Girl likes to regard said state of being as something common to living life in your 20s.

Three months shy of my 30th birthday, I am beginning to wonder which of my selves – the many flavors of Miss Cocoa - will survive the flip of the matrix.

Either way, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bid a final adieu to my psychotic, irrational and crazy-azz nature as a 20-something year old living in NYC self.

Yet, the question remains: which flavors of Cocoa Girl will make it out of the 20s? Your guess is as good as mine…

Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller
This girl moved to New York to become powerful, which, when boiled down and less Trump-dramatic in fashion, means strong and successful. Life in the Mini-apple was always too basic for her. So, following high school, she attended college as far away from the Midwest as possible (NY & DC-area); studied abroad in London; interned in NYC and Chicago and ended up back here.

All of this to say that since Cocoa Girl, the Big City dweller, came to life by way of what Freud would probably classify as many things none too cute, I have always questioned the authenticity of this selve and wonder for how much longer I’ll get to enjoy the lifestyle that she was bold (unstable?) enough to pursue.

Cocoa Girl, the Gold digger
Wish I could blame this girly on the one above, but no can do! This chick may be nice, funny, caring, sweet and loving, but her ass is still bout it, bout it when it comes to the need for some serious P.E.P. (potential earning power) in they step! Thing is, this side of Cocoa Girl is one of the oldest vintage flavors on the market – she’s been around for as long as I have been spoiled! Mom dukes may have raised her fidolo, but she was always on the money when it came to the bills and the lifestyle.

Now is this selve a gold digger - for real - or a woman who just wants to be spoiled? I would argue that she is not as much a gold digger as she is a woman who just needs a few (ok – many!) things to carry on in what I would refer to as ‘special abundance.’

Cocoa Girl, the Race distancer
While this selve maintains that she has never desired to play dress up as another race, sometimes, black folk irk the absolute shit out of her - more than probably healthy. The ignorant ass talk; the BET programming; the Ghetto Lit; the self-hatred; the non-role models; the glamorizing of all things criminal; the current state of ‘hip hop’…

I could go on and on, but I will not, as this self is dying in me by the day. Do I still hate all things ignorant? Without a doubt. Big things have just made me realize that there is a lot that I can do as one to combat and offset the mass coonery.

Cocoa Girl, the Race crusader
This Cocoa flavor is that Pam Grier, Cleo Jones kind of chick who will pimp slap major advertisers, Bill Cosby and the likes of Sean P. Diddy Combs all the same. While she cannot stand the fact that many of her folks refuse to act right, she despises the powers-that-be that fund, fuel, exploit and perpetuate the machine.

Cocoa Girl, the Philanthropist
This girl might as well be dubbed ‘Cocoa Girl, the dreamer,’ because that is exactly who she is. She believes in trying to help people help themselves and in giving back whenever you can. She has always dreamt of sending anonymous cashier’s checks and blessing people and places all over the world – from tiny rural churches that just need enough money to repair the roof to AIDs organizations to orphanages in Rwanda.

Cocoa Girl, the Prosecutor
Perhaps it was the absentee daddy or her only-child (sole self-defender) status that led this girl to be more of a prosecutorial kind of ho than a defender. Her folks have had to beckon with her (too much?) to recognize the ‘good’ in others. This selve is also the same chick skilled in losing problematics without losing a cut of her sanity and esteem. Freud would say that she has a bit of an issue confronting matters of reconciliation

Cocoa Girl, the Ruler, will fire your ass in a minute, bitch
Power-hungry, heartless workplace bitch, spawned by one-too-many pissy jobs. She does not pity the unnecessarily weak or fools or those who do not act on others’ advice to help them better their careers (fools?). When necessary, she is cut-throat and has learned to play the game better than MJ. Actually, so well that the shit is beginning to blur with her ‘real’ life OFF the job (note to self: stop wearing pearls on the got-damn weekend!)

Cocoa Girl, the Crazy pet rescue lady
This girly is a newest - and sweetest - addition to the Cocoa line of flavors. Yet, most of her peeps worry about her presence. Why? Because they fail to see how this selve actually affords an otherwise untrusting, self-absorbed, Manhattan chick mostly concerend with self preservation, daily dealings in compassion and kindness.(I kind of like her and hope she sticks around, if I do say so mahself.)

Cocoa Girl, the Social climber
This well coifed-cow (believe me, she can be one!) believes that nothing in life is meant to be stagnant. NOTHING. While nobody in the family is for certain from whence she came, Mom Dukes swears that she is positively without a doubt a super spawn of the sperm donor’s line.

Girly is the driven selve that says if it’s broke, fix it; if you do not like it, change it; if you are scared of it, overcome it, and if things (they?) intimidate you, strike them under your heel and put those bitches in their place!

In one very, very nutty nutshell, this fine flavor believes that 'up' is the only way to go and if you have an opportunity to better your position, then why the hell not?

Will this chica stick around beyond the 30 mark? Dude, I am scared to find out myself.

For all of you 30-plusers out there, did you notice any parts of your self dropping off you hit the mark?

Cocoalicious

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CG@Work!

2006-08-21T08:57:00.000-04:00

I know, I know…what kind of writer forgets their own blog birthday?

One year ago, Cocoa Girl, the burgeoning writer, embarked on a little task to build what those non-fic folks in the publishing world like to call a "platform." Cocoa remembers the conversationS (emphasis on the plural) going a little something like this...

Agent/editor: "Your voice is strong, identifiable, likeable. Your proposal is great - I definitely think it will work. Yet, I'm thinking that we need to see a platform from you. It's just that you are a new writer and that's what my [editor/marketing & research/Acquisitions] boss would like to see..."

With that much, Cocoa Girl on the Job (which actually started as "Observations from a Cocoa Girl at Work") was born and on August 17, 2005.

It's funny: Upon first blog (more like the first few months), the process seemed so darn labor-like. For whatever reason, blogging felt more so like a chore than a creative exercise in career building. Yet, although it seemed as if nobody was reading my site, I continued to write and write and write some more.

One day in late November, some Cali chick with a hella cool logo left a comment on my site. I had never before 'seen' her, but she came back the next day, and the next and the next. Of course, I had to check her out and when I did, I must say that homey was HEE-LARIOUS (to use one of her words). To this day, I still LMAO at her assigning Mr. Sadaam Hussein his very own gangsta moniker ("That N!gga Dam!") because him and his peeps were getting gully in court. From that very day, I was hooked and over the course of the next few weeks, I became hooked on her blogroll. After reading (stalking?) other folks' sites continuously, I fell in love with a few of their sites and the notion of writing for the sake of writing. It was no longer a chore. I liked it.

So, here I am today kiddies... Blogging away – well, at least some days of the week, tho I will get better with the 6-week recovery period. The book? I was going to post on that one, but thought I'd wait until September:)

Thanks to all for checking me out and for all the love and encouragement. To my fellow bloggers, thanks for the inspiration...now get to tweaking those manuscripts!

Cocoa Girl

Stalkers @ Work!

2006-08-11T06:57:00.000-04:00

Workplace #1 presented many interesting "firsts" for Cocoa Girl, including my very first run-in with the concept of being "Single White Female'd."

You see, due to what one could refer to as a little 'position' envy, one coworker had something just shy of that Fatal Attraction sheyot with all things moi. First, it was my bags ("Omigod - is this reaal Prada?"). Next, the jewelry ("Omigod - are those diamonds real?"). Then things got a tad scary when the SWF zoomed in on my accessories, which my coworkers thought to be hilarious.... (Cocoa's boss) "Seems like Cocoa has a little admirer - isn't Miss SWF wearing the EXACT same rhinestone-buckle, fatigue-print belt that you bought last week?"

Last but not least, girly drove Cocoa to phone home to mom-dukes when she proceeded to have a LOUD conversation (just a few feet away) regarding her 'new' Louis Vuitton bag that she had just 'inherited' (I kid you not) from her DEAD grandmother. Harmless enough, perhaps. However, judging by her reaction to my LV a few days before ("Omi-f*cking-god! YOU have a Louis Vuitton bag???"), I think the alarm was justified.

As I later found out, this Single White Female's fascination with me stemmed from her desire to have my job. Apparently, she had been seeking my position before the words 'necessary,' 'diversity' and 'new-hire' had slipped from my manager's lips, but she never was in the running. And management didn't care enough to tell her either.

Not like I ever cared about her plight (the cow was an evil, rancid witch). Yet, I stumbled upon my stalker on the job memories after speaking with another friend regarding hers... Except her stalkers have all been Single BLACK Females... One, tried to befriend her the first week of work, only to end up bitter because my friend (obviously a psychic!) dubbed her ass crazy! This SBF was obviously not one to disappoint, however, as she later proceeded to cut slashes into the sleeves of my girlfriend's coat and clothes.

My friend's next SBF @ Work also wanted to befriend (become?) her. Yet, not much unlike Cocoa's SWF above, this SBF wanted my homegirl's gig. So, she did what any psychotic beyotch would do and proceeded to cop everything my friend has: her hair styleS (emphasis on the plural) - first the braids and then the Bob-cut; her style of dress (did I mention that chick is 16 years senior my friend); her internal career track, and, now, her graduate degree of choice.

*blank stare*

While I would like to believe that I’m really just that fly, Cocoa would rather conclude that mofos @ work are just that got-damned deranged.

Got stalkers on the job?

Cocoa Girl

Black people do the darndest things!

2006-07-08T00:58:00.000-04:00

No matter how pro-Black Cocoa feels on any given day, I would be a straight up lie, if I did not admit that there are a few things The Race can (and does!) do to drive my behind up a wall.

Yes, other races also partake in a bit too much ‘group-think’ for Cocoa’s liking, BUT they ain’t my people. So, outside of work, commuting to work, shopping at Bloomingdales, visiting most of my doctors, ordering my food, trying on shoes, and seeking customer service, Cocoa tries to give herself a break on thinking about the others as much as possible.

Back to the lecture at hand… There are a few annoying/trifling/just plan a$$ RIDICULOUS things that Cocoa cannot/does not/probably should understand about The Race… can you help a sister out?

Black people, why do other black people...

...keep molesters around the children? I cannot recall how many times (even my OWN family) that I've heard "it's not job to judge people...it's GOD's!" Um…since when did keeping the nasty bastard away from the family kiddies qualify as ‘judging?’ And, don't get me started on that pervert R-Kel...

...call people on their cell phones when they're at work? Random yes, but it JUST HAPPENED to me! I work, dammit. Do not call my freaking mobile at 2:57 on a Friday afternoon!

...think it's now cool to rock Botox and fake boobs? Many influential black women are now taking a spin on this self-hatred joyride. There weren't enough folks already hating and hating on us that we needed to join in on all the fun, too?

...act like 'New Age' is the hottest thing since slice bread? Not that everyone needs to be on Team Jesus, or kneeling for the sake of Allah, but gimme a damn break. A peachy-colored Jesus and a few obviously necessary rules of conduct ain't excuse enough for your a$$es to denounce all religion as the evil.

...rally around obviously guilty muthafuggas just because they're black? Hell, yes! I DID bring it back to that trifling R-Kel. Heads up: If you know that your response will contain the words "others" and "do it," save your stroking (of the keyboard) for that R&B rapist’s fan club site!

...represent 5'1/220 lbs. as "thick?" Granted, I am not going to diss Team Chunk whatsoever - especially since I might soon join the squad (Cocoa loves me a meal Popeye's and strawberry cupcakes!) – but, last time I checked, the proper adjective for a hefty dose of madness like so was called UNHEALTHY!

...in particular, why does a large part of black women pledge allegiance to the tribe of Blackcockown Lee when a large part of brothers do not/will not grant them the same place on the totem pole?

...denounce issues like 'colorism' as passe, like all the brown girls getting play in Hollyhood nowadays don't have Euroquestionable features and silky, blonde weave down their backs?

...get disrespectful when you chastise their kids for being disrespectful?

Cocoa's just asking… Got answers? Got more questions?

Cocoa Girl

On making a famed departure...

2006-06-30T07:20:00.000-04:00

Almost four years ago to the date, a good work "friend" was close to getting the fired. Her manager wanted her gone so bad, she was trying everything in the book to get her to quit. She excluded her from all projects; ignored her at every opportunity; gave her work terrible markings; spoke poorly of her character and ability; put her on a 30-day (to firing) probation, and even swore at her in person and via email. On of the crazy heifer's last tactics was by way of some written insanity to the effect of:

"If you want to stay here, then over the course of the next 30 days, I need to show it. Matter of fact, PROVE it to me. I want to hear you say how much you love working here and how much this work means to you!"

You see, while my friend was not a Cocoa Girl, she was just as brown as many of us and probably the most-popular person to work at the firm, ever. So, this ‘mom and pop shop; PR firm was scared sh!tless about cutting her ass and getting sued.

One day as her formerly-an-actress VP was wiping fake tears while saying that she is "so terribly sorry" that things were not working out, girly dead-panned and told her that she was not quitting without a) cash and b) a clean employment record.

Chick stopped the show and they reached an agreement, but the madness didn't stop there.

The firm agreed to write off her position, but demanded that she participate in a company-sponsored going away party FOR HER, thrown by (none other) than her coke-head/heroin-addicted manager (top paragraph). Next, they told her that she needed to make an announcement at the next staff meeting that she was QUITTING to pursue greener pastures. Mind you, girly did not even have a clue of what life held for her next.

Ya'll know Cocoa was like "Hell to the nah!!!!" but the friend agreed because she just wanted it all to be over.

If there is anything that I do not like it is f’d up employers getting away with being f’d up. That's why I was all the way thrilled to hear about the battle brewing between Star "F*ck this Job and You!" Jones-Reynolds and one step off trifling Barbara "Losing Popularity" Walters.

In case you live under a rock and haven't a clue about what's going on, The View basically fired Star, but wanted her to tell the world (a lie) that she actually decided to end her stint on the show. Star said beyotches, please! and dropped the bomb on Tuesday’s show – a month off from the timing deemed appropriate by her employer. The same day People magazine featured an exclusive interview from Star, where she broke down all the REAL details of what happened to her career on the show. The next day, there is this media war of sorts going on with Walters telling the whole world she fired Star after Tuesday’s show and that Star should have chosen to take the high road…Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Now, I'm not a fan of Star, but Cocoa is glad that she basically told them all 'fuck you – you and you!' on national TV. Why they would delude themselves into thinking that she would play the game according to their rules is beyond me. Fame, fortune or not, there is a way to treat EVERYONE and they fucked her over! Not to mention that they hired her arch nemesis Rosie O before Star even had the chance to start her “I’ve decided to leave” buzz. Now they want to get all mad? Puleez. YOU GO STAR - stand up for yourself, girlfriend!

As for my friend not standing up for herself? Cocoa took care of that one. Let's just say that the PR diva in me leaked a few leads of my own stating what really went down with my friend’s departure. She was embarrassed that somebody told everyone the truth (I denied it like Kobe, ya’ll), BUT the entire firm was on her side and angry with the skuzzy hoes in management. Image may not seem like a lot to the average person, but to a PR firm built on an image of lies and deceit, their asses were too-through and left trying to damage-control like a mug. I still laugh about it all to this day.

Cocoa Girl

Keeping It Real vs. Keeping It @ Home

2006-06-28T00:48:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, it was a straight up black Friday in the office. At first, Cocoa Girl thought her sense of smell was deceiving her. Yet, two minutes later and two rows over, Girly Girl discovered a plate of chicken wings and a vat of fried rice parading as somebody's lunch. Truth be told, upon first realizing what I was smelling, Cocoa just KNEW some negra had brought her grandmama's fried chicken to the job.

Much to my amazement, the perp wasn't even a Cocoa at all. Matter of fact, the worker wasn't even brown. This Asian cat was tearing up some wings, with nothing but his hands and hot sauce! I know his Korean counterpart, Little Miss Banana, was too through! Not that I would ever admit to agreeing with that chick about ANYTHING, but Cocoa still thinks that some stuff is just better left at home... Whatcha think?

January 26, 2006 - Keepin' It Real Vs Keepin' It at Home?

Quiet as kept, I’m really a little bourgeoisie and just don't let down my ghe(tto)-dar too often, ESPECIALLY when at work. Now, before you go getting all po'd at me, let me assure you that it's NOT that I believe everyone at work should resemble the person in the cubicle next door. Rather, it's more so that I KNOW the office powers-that-be expects everyone on the job to, well, to resemble the person in the cubicle next door. Unfortunately, it’s a game that we all must play when working in Corporate America, and while workers DO have a right to be pissed about it, let’s first ask ourselves: If a sistah never spots any of cubicle cohorts rocking talon-length manicures with panoramic scenes of South Beach - IN a white bread office - then why on earth would she go into work wearing that H.A.Mmy mess??? And, trust me, many of them rock the nail decals, too. They’re just savvy enough to cop a bottle of that good stuff before reaching the office on Monday morning!

But, hey, who I am to be judgmental? Fresh out of college and at job #1, I was broke but managed to maintain a penchant for eating out every meal of the day (I know: whole 'nother blog!). So, I, along with the two other resident black chicks always dined in at this cheap-a$$ fried-fish joint around the corner from work. BUT I nevah – I repeat, NEVAH! - brought that stuff back to the office. Why not? I was fully aware that neither my JAP, fabu Brit gay-guy, old-monied, or new-money bosses would have found that move too cute! They were snobs, but I knew this from day one, so I always proceeded accordingly. I also had enough sense to know that fried imitation crabmeat had no place alongside eel rolls, Edamame OR my promotion! Some things have always been just a matter of common sense to me, which pretty much explains why I was shocked by the (Afro-American?) antics of the only straight, black male to ever work for our supa-white P.R. firm. Brother obviously wasn’t up on G'Al Reynolds' tips for being "ethnic" on the weekends…

1. TIMBS. Yes, as in the boots. If you work at a Manhattan public relations firm, where 85 percent of the office is female and 90 percent is white, you should not/cannot/must not wear Timberlands to the office on casual Fridays. This rule should be even more apparent when said white women at work find it okay to comment, “Oh, [Cocoa Boy] you dress SO cool. We were just talking about how you look like you just stepped off the cover of Vibe magazine.”

2. POPEYE’S. Every day, I shrank in disbelief as, every day, I watched homey lug that blue, red and yellow logo’ed plastic bag into the office. A sistah knew (all too well, ya’ll!) what lay ahead. Dude would even rip off a piece of box and empty onto it ‘bout 55 ketchup packets to create a mountain of “sauce” for his spicy legs and biscuit. Folk, if you have never seen or smelled shortening, Louisiana Hot or anything fried in your office – especially if the two 85 and 90 percent reasons above apply - leave yo’ sh!t of similar persuasion at home, or in the “restaurant!"

3. BAGGY JEANS. At one point during his brief tenure with the firm, a sister got so fed that I even contemplated criminal intervention on behalf of The Race. Why on earth did this Cocoa Boy think he could roll up in the office channeling the likes of Chingy and T.I. when all the other males were khaki'ed out like Bob Saget?

Wednesday's Workplace Wordage: "Hiya"

2006-06-14T07:29:00.000-04:00

When the 'regla old "hi," "hey" or "good morning" just won't do...

Fellas - especially black and straight fellas - steer clear of this one.

Ladies - Is your communication style at work thought to be too "direct?" Have the words "hostile" or "intimidating graced the pages of your annual review too many times? Well, then, today's workplace wordage just might be the best thing to happen to your career - ever!

Best used to offset to the tension, "attitude" and b!tchiness found in your responses to stupid, catty emails, "hiya" works to confuse enemy targets on the job who are convinced that you will respond to their nastiness with blatant nastiness. That's right, kiddies! A subtle "eff off!" body, proceeded by that hottness called "hiya" is all you need to check fools while maintaing a positive image at work.

Cocoa Girl is certain that by now you believe she is making up these terms. I mean, who on earth would dare utter something so ridiculous sounding "whelmed up" or "hiya?" Yet, you must believe Cocoa when she says that she understands your lack of belief AND that these words are 100% legit.

Try "hiya" today!

*Disclaimer: Blacks and gay males will read through "hiya" as you being the smart-a$$, plotting office trick that you are! Use on these groups at your own risk.

Cocoa Girl

Cocoa's 'Crash' moment @ work!

2006-06-01T00:18:00.000-04:00

If Opie gets to go on and on and on...and on and on and on about Hermes treating her like an ordinary, singletary negress, then surely Cocoa gets to post about some annoying, discriminatory-type ish that she recently experienced while on the job...

A coworker of the Vanilla persuasion recently asked me for help with a package. He was sending it overnight to somewhere far, far away. About five minutes later, he comes over and asks where I live.

“Manhattan,” said I.

A look confusion overtakes his face.

“Um, well, um...I am sending this letter to a school…hmm…you probably or maybe don’t live close to it but…

you just said that you live in the Bronx, right?”

“I.live.in.MAN...HAT...TAN...”

“Oh…ok, well this package is going to a school in the Bronx…yeah, you may not be familiar with the area... OR are you???” he says, one eye-brow raised.

Needless to type, I was hella irked. Now, if you're not famil with NYC then you are probably branding me some bitter a$$ Cocoa on a rampage ( to think!). If so, do allow Miss Cocoa to break it down por tu...

Manhattan IS Manhattan. Live in another part of the country? Think about what ya'll refer to as “downtown.” The Bronx - on the other hand - is the muthafargan BRONX. Still not getting it? Think MLK Boulevard, colored folks, or police shooting innocent folks who cannot speak English and reach for their wallets at the wrong time. All this to say, while many black folks who live in Manhattan HAPPEN to live in nose-bleed territory right next to the Bronx, Cocoa Girl ain't one of them! So girly girl was too-through!

Don’t get me wrong: I know that da Boogie Down happens to house a very large, old and proud Irish community; a wonderfully accredited university, and working-class families with strong ties to the community. Yet, someone who is NOT like Cocoa (read: igno-azz colleague numero uno) only knows one (sorry, two) things about BX: 1) Yankee stadium and 2) negroes.

Hmph!

Regardless of the source of homey's ignorance, Cocoa was glad to learn that she has been justified for keeping that igno atop her “I perhaps one day will like you, BUT it's highly unlikely" list of coworkers.

What sort of "Crash" moments have you experienced on the job? Just like in the movie, everyone has them, so everyone please do share!

Cocoa Girl

Wednesday's Workplace Wordage: "Not Famil"

2006-05-31T00:20:00.000-04:00

This week's word is brought to us compliments of Cocoa Girl's favorite Sri Lankan flavor in the office.

Cocoa Girl: "What do you think of that green leather hobo from Marc Jacobs?"

S.L.F.: "Dunno, hon...not famil."

Alternatively seen/heard as "unfamiliar" OR "not familiar with," NOT FAMIL is a must-have for those office slaves toiling away on the fast-paced C.S.S. What makes this Wednesday's wordage even MORE popular is the fact that it spares us use of one whole syllable! Yup, probably a whopping one-hundreth of a second.

While it's extra richickulous, Cocoa personally digs this one. When spoken in the correct accent, it could make any executive-in-training sound hella aloof, b.k.a. NYC-cool.

'Not famil' with the new Wednesdays at Cocoa Girl on the Job? Click here!

Cocoa Girl